Raising Your Children
– Part 1
Biblical Principles of Raising Children
Ephesians 6:1-4
Raising Your Children
– Part 1
Biblical Principles of Raising Children
Ephesians 6:1-4 |
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Pastor Craig Ledbetter
Bible Baptist Church, Ballincollig, Cork, Ireland
Apr 24, 2016 AM
I.
Introduction
A.
We live in a
very dangerous time (2 Timothy 3:1-4)
1.
It is a
dangerous time to believe the Bible more than we believe and trust Dr.
Phil, and Oprah Winfrey
2.
It was
deadly dangerous to believe the Bible in the first 300 years of
Christianity – Rome slaughtered about 5 million Christians throughout
the empire
3.
It was just
as deadly to believe it during the 1,000 years of the dark ages – one
man estimated about 50 million Bible believing Christians were
slaughtered throughout Europe
4.
The last 500
years have been blessed with nations and laws being based on the laws
and principles of the Bible instead of the whims of a king or, even the
whims of the people, and it created the greatest freedoms ever
experienced in history – the Magna Carta, the democratic constitutions
of America, and most free nations today!
5.
But today,
we are headed back to the intense persecution against anyone who just
believes the Bible’s way is the right way! Especially in relation to
right and wrong, and how to have a family.
B.
The concept
of the ‘home’ is just about demolished
1.
I know. The
family unit is changing – but at what cost?
a.
Marriage has
been redefined
b.
Divorce is
RAMPANT
1)
In 2011, 2.1
million marriages, and 1 million divorces
c.
More
‘partnerships’ than marriages are registered
d.
More
children are raised by single parents
1)
40% of all
children in Europe are born now to unmarried mothers (in 2000, it was
only 27%)
2)
In America,
72% of black children are raised only by their mothers, without a Dad
2.
91 same sex
“couples” were ‘married’ here in Ireland from mid-November until the end
of 2015 (TheJournal.ie, Apr 15). 91???? And the whole country went to
vote so that 91 gays could marry? .007% of the voting population??? Is
THAT good law???
3.
We are on
our way to honouring incestuous, and multi-partner marriage and families
4.
At least 300
million babies have been murdered world-wide since the early 1970’s
5.
Every evil
is on the rise
6.
And no one
stops and asks why?
7.
God
predicted it 3,000 years ago
a.
Pro 30:11
There is a generation that curseth their father, and doth not
bless their mother.
b.
Pro 30:12
There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is
not washed from their filthiness.
c.
Pro 30:13
There is a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their
eyelids are lifted up.
d.
Pro 30:14
There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw
teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy
from among men.
C.
We need a
new understanding of ‘family’
– well, not a new one, but one that is new to this generation – one that
returns to the Bible’s ways of having a home!
1.
Raising
Children Right – there IS a right way – and the most ardent enemies will
be parents too proud to change!
2.
Are we so
unwilling to accept the blame
3.
And will any
of us here decide to change how we build our families, God’s way?
4.
I hope to
convince you to do so!
5.
By God’s
grace!
D.
People do
NOT want to hear what God says and what God thinks (Isaiah 30:8-10)
1.
So what?
2.
It has
always been this way
3.
So I preach
anyway
4.
And the
proof of your Christianity will be whether you do what God says, or what
Dr. Phil, or Dr. Spock, or Dr. Big-Britches says
II.
Background –
Initial Truths About a Christian Family
A.
Start with
working on yourself
1.
Raising
children well, begins with adults in the home acting and reacting like
adults
2.
Every
generation is a reflection of the worst attitudes and thinking of the
previous generation. In other words, What parents do in moderation, the
children will do to the excess
3.
So ask God
to reveal all the areas HE is working on YOU as His child, and let Him
work!
4.
Then, Ask
God to TEACH YOU what are the right ways for YOU to grow your family,
how love your wife, your husband, how to handle your teenager, how to
help your young adult prepare for college and marriage and having
children!
5.
Work on
yourself first ladies and gentlemen!
B.
Your
children are YOUR Responsibility (Genesis 17:5)
1.
God gave you
your family and children – they are your responsibility
2.
Not the
HSE’s
3.
Not the
church’s
4.
Not the
schools’
5.
Not your
parents – who should be GRAND-parents, not the parents
6.
Not some
nanny’s or au pairs
7.
But yours!
God expects you to take responsibility for how your children act, how
your bills are paid, how you and your spouse get along!
C.
Your Home is
supposed to be different (Philippians 2:14,15)
D.
You don’t
have to do it all alone
1.
You do need
help holding your family together – you need the help and pressures of
society, church, your extended family
2.
God gave you
all those people to help you - You need all their help – use them!
3.
But, don’t
get into the habit of letting OTHERS raise your children, and minister
to the needs of your family. THAT is YOUR job!
E.
When we see
children, God sees generations (Exodus 20:5)
1.
What we do
in our home, affect up to four generations down the line
2.
Think about
it
a.
Your
constant arguing and fighting
b.
Your
rebellion to authorities over you
c.
The sins you
allow in your home - The drinking, the drugs, the late night TV
3.
They ALL
affect not only your home, but the homes of your great, great, grand
children
4.
Ask God to
see more than just the struggles of today, and see the bigger picture –
of generations
F.
Start
training and teaching your children early
1.
They
understand things even in the womb – the sound of your voice, stress,
rest, joy
2.
They love
you from the start
3.
They want to
be like you from the earliest memories
4.
They will
obey if you expect them to – if you expect them to find their own way,
they will hate you and hate life in the end!
G.
Every home,
no matter how messed up, is a gift from God, and can be rebuilt by God
1.
God joins
men and women together into families by marriage – that’s how God does
it
2.
The fact
that you want a family is right and good
3.
The fact
that many of you ARE married is a miracle!
4.
All children
are a miracle, and a blessing from God
5.
And God
gives enough grace to enable even the worst of homes to be restored
6.
“The
same Jesus Who turned water into wine can transform your home, your
life, your family, and your future. He is still in the miracle-working
business, and His business is the business of transformation.”
~ Adrian Rogers
7.
All because
God loves the home and family – YOUR home and family!
H.
Every home,
every family takes a lot of work to hold together. Why?
1.
Because of
our sin-nature in every member – we generally are all selfish,
self-serving, self-centred, impatient, unkind people, all grouped
together in close quarters!
2.
Because all
children are different.
a.
Just when
you figure out how to work with one child, another one comes along and
is totally different
b.
And then,
when you think you understand your 8,9, or 10 year old, they change, and
become teen-agers!
3.
Because
right training takes time
a.
Years and
years to teach children how to be respectful, to behave, to pray under
pressure, to walk with God, to do right when everyone else is doing
wrong
b.
It’s funny
that it only takes a few minutes to destroy
1)
A vile TV
show – blatant sex in bedrooms
2)
An act of
sexual abuse
3)
Bad friends
getting the child to violate their conscience
4)
Any of that
can undo a lifetime of good, godly, Biblical training, and defile a
child (Matt 18:6)
I.
What I am
going to be presenting this and next week are all Best Practice Rules of
Raising Children, Biblically
1.
These
instructions are not complete or exhaustive – there is no way to teach
everything a parent will have to know to handle everything thrown at
them. So I will present what God says are THE most important things
2.
We need to
decide to Do things BY THE BOOK – by the BIBLE
a.
If God said
it, then I am going to teach it as right
b.
No one is
going to ever be able to do everything perfectly
c.
And even if
you did everything right, like God did, you are dealing with the soul of
a child that has a nature bent on sin and selfishness
d.
God never
intended for anyone to think that if they did all these things, then,
their children would turn out perfect
e.
BUT, God
said do them because they are right to do, and best for your children
and your home
f.
If you want
to have a HOME - With a Mommy, a Daddy, and children running around
happy and safe
g.
If you want
to have PEACE in your home
h.
If you want
God to be able to work in your home, and on your family – instead of
always allowing SATAN to be in charge
i.
And if you
want future strong families, instead of just illegitimate children…
j.
Start doing
things by this Book!
k.
You will not
have no problems, but you will have less than if you did things YOUR own
way, or the way of the world, and your children will understand the
lovingkindness of the Lord
l.
By-the-way,
we are going to be spending a lot of time in the Book of Proverbs this
week and next week, written by king Solomon to his son when he was young
3.
I am going
to be speaking about children that still live in your home. Some things
God says apply to young children, some to teenagers. Use wisdom to
figure out how best to apply what God says to your situations in your
home!
4.
I am going
to be speaking from my heart as well – not from a position of having
perfect children. I just know these words are right, and that they work,
even when my own parenting hasn’t!
III.
Message
(Ephesians 6:1-3)
A.
God Wrote a
Message to Children! (Ephesians 6:1)
1.
God in the
Bible writes to everybody
a.
To Husbands,
wives, servants (6:5)
2.
Notice how
Paul writes directly to children
a.
Children are
able to hear and understand!
b.
What a
marvellous Book!
c.
God takes
time to reason with children, and to instruct them in the way they
should live
d.
He did not
write, “Parents, make sure your children obey you”
e.
But instead
he wrote, “Children, make sure you obey your parents”
f.
Because this
is right!
3.
God here is
teaching CHILDREN to obey, and honour, and support their parent’s
decisions
a.
Not because
the parents are so good or so right
b.
Not because
it will be easy to obey them
c.
But because
it is right to obey and honour your parents
4.
A parent is
supposed to convey this to their children
a.
How are they
going to know what is right and wrong unless YOU Dad, unless YOU Mom
teach it!
b.
Reading the
words of Scripture to their children, even from a young age (2Tim 3:15)
c.
Explaining
the words and commands of the Bible to their children as they are old
enough to understand
d.
Answering
the questions of their children that invariably will come up when you
read the Bible!
e.
More parents
have led their children to Christ simply because they spent the
necessary time reading the Bible to their children – they were there
when the child would finally admit they needed Jesus!
B.
God Gave a
Command for Children (Ephesians 6:1,2)
1.
A child has
responsibilities before God (Prov 20:11). God expects things of them,
just like He does the parents
a.
Much of the
Bible is written to adults
b.
But it was
also written to be read by children, and obeyed by children even
c.
Don’t wait
until your child is 15 before you start requiring them to read the Bible
– most of the time that is way too late!
d.
God expects
two things of children:
1)
To OBEY your
Christian parents
2)
And to
HONOUR your parents
e.
Yes, there
are exceptions
f.
But only
after the rule has been established in their lives
2.
To OBEY
their Christian parents means
a.
Do whatever
they say do. Whatever!
1)
Turn off the
TV
2)
Change what
you are wearing
3)
Clean up
your room
4)
Help Dad
with hoovering the car
5)
Help Mom
with the dinner
6)
Go to bed...
now
7)
Do not
listen to that radio station – turn it off
8)
Practice
your piano… now
b.
Obey your
parents
1)
Even when
your parents don’t make sense
2)
Even when a
parent’s life is not perfect, or hypocritical
c.
Again, these
words are directed at children, living in their family home
1)
When you are
old enough to move out, well, you don’t have to obey your parents
anymore
2)
So you had
better had learned all you could from them before you move out
d.
Children: Do
what your parents tell you to do
e.
And parents:
expect your children to do what you tell them to do
3.
To honour
means
a.
To respect
them – do not treat them as equals, but as above you – esteem them
b.
To listen to
their parents, and give them preference over their own feelings and
their friends
c.
To prize
them and their opinions, and lift up, praise their parents – think very
highly of them
d.
To never
murmur, complain, yell at, talk back, mock, argue, or fight
e.
To go ahead
and do what the parents say, unless it is against Scripture
f.
To thank
their parents – for all the sacrifices they made to give them a better
life than they had
g.
Do you
realise that when you are old enough to move out, you don’t have to obey
your parents anymore, BUT… you never can get out of honouring your
parents, no matter how old you are!?
4.
These are
the most important things for a child to learn, and so, for you to teach
a.
More
important than learning to kick a soccer ball
b.
More
important than learn to paint or draw
c.
More
important than to learn to sing or play a musical instrument
d.
Is to obey
and honour their parents!
e.
These two
things are THE most important things you can teach your children
1)
Yes, you
need to teach them right and wrong
2)
You need to
take time to answer their zillions of questions
3)
But much of
what you teach will not make sense to them for years
4)
So, before
you can explain right and wrong, good and evil, you need to teach them
that God expects them to always obey their Mommy and Daddy
5)
It is a
command in both the Old and New Testament (Ex 20:12; Mt 15:4; Eph 6:2)
5.
Learning
obedience is good and vital
a.
He who has
learned to obey, will one day know best how to command
b.
God expects
that the older a child gets, more freedom to think and reason and even
disagree
c.
But in
childhood, obedience to your parents is king
d.
THIS is
where our society is failing
e.
The world’s
culture disagrees. Psychologist David Carey, on Newstalk every Wednesday
afternoon, spends hours trying to convince parents to raise their
children different than God’s way. He said this past week, “Why are we
trying to get our children to do what we say? We should be getting them
to understand what we want them to do, and so reason with your children,
listen to them, and give them time.” (paraphrased). Doesn’t that SOUND
so good?
f.
But all
David is doing is drawing the line in the sand between the world and
Christ – two opposite views. One that is producing some of the worst
brats in history, who hate God, hate their parents, and most of all hate
themselves. And the other viewpoint that produces children who love God,
love people, and love sacrificing themselves for the needs of others!
6.
Learning
Obedience is Serious Work
a.
I was out
yesterday, door to door soul-winning, and this 8 year old boy was
outside his house playing and he saw me when I came up to the house. The
Mother was in the car, evidently waiting on the dad to come out. I
motioned at the Mother that I just would place the invitation inside the
doorway and then be on my way. The young boy grabbed me and asked me to
wait for a minute while he went inside the house and got something. I
instead just turned and went on to the next house. Well, he came after
me quite upset, and he asked why I had not stayed there like he had
said. I told him that I did not know him and he did not know ME. Well,
all he wanted to do was show me his trophy he had won at school this
week. I said Wow! What an amazing award! I hope you earn many many more!
And then I walked on to the next house. When he went back to his house
his father asked quite sternly, Who was that you were talking to? The
boy did not answer. The father asked several more times, and then told
him to get into the car, saying “Don’t talk to strangers!” The young boy
has no idea how dangerous things are out in the world. That’s why it is
dead serious that children be taught to obey their parents – for their
protection!
b.
A child
needs to know that they must obey – not the reason, because often, they
will never understand before it is too late, when someone with evil
intentions snatches them away!
c.
I knew a
pastor in Florida, who was walking with his family in a shopping mall,
when the father saw a gunman leave a shop and raise a gun into the air
towards them. The father spoke firmly and clearly, “GET ON THE FLOOR.”
All of his family dropped to the ground as the gunman began to shoot in
all directions. There was no time to explain. No time to get everybody’s
attention. Just said it loud and clear, and only his family obeyed!
d.
THAT is how
serious obedience to your parents is!
e.
By-the-way,
learning to obey is part of the Gospel (Romans 6:16,17). A habitually
disobedient child will find it impossible to follow Jesus Christ, and
will die in their sins one day!
1)
Eph 2:2
Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this
world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that
now worketh in the children of disobedience:
2)
Eph 5:6
Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these
things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
3)
Col 3:6
For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of
disobedience:
f.
If you do
not teach your children to obey you, they will only obey their own
lusts, to their destruction (Romans 6:12)
g.
Obedience to
parents is the foundation of everything that will be good in a child’s
character. Without it, all the other good things will be only
paper-thin!
h.
Listen to
Jesus’ words in Luke 6:46… Christianity without obedience to Christ is a
waste of your time.
i.
Where will
your children learn obedience if not from you, parents?
C.
God Makes a
Promise for Children (Ephesians 6:3)
1.
The Fruit,
Results of Obeying your parents are two-fold:
a.
A good life
– blessed by God, protected by the hand of God, prospered by God
b.
And a long
life – lived so that they get to see THEIR grandchildren, and their
great grandchildren!
2.
Isn’t that
what every parent wants for their children?
3.
You believe
in the promises of God don’t you?
4.
Well, then
train your children to obey you and your spouse, and to honour you and
your spouse!
D.
Here is the
practical stuff…
E.
How to Get
Children to Obey
1.
You give a
command, and instruction, and take all the time necessary to make sure
they do it
2.
You repeat
the giving of the command and the work with the child to make sure they
do it until they do what you say without murmuring, or hesitation.
3.
Give it in a
firm tone, but not ever loud
a.
Never count
b.
Never yell
c.
Just give
the command, and then get up and help them see it through until they do
it in obedience
4.
Give clear,
simple instructions
a.
Pick up that
toy and put it away please
b.
Eat all your
broccoli
c.
Do not hit
your sister
d.
Turn over
and go to sleep
5.
Give only
instructions that they can obey – age-based instructions
a.
A 5 year old
may not be able to take out the rubbish, so make the commands for the 5
year old equal to his or her age ability
b.
Expect more
of older children
c.
Do not pity
them for having to do chores – the older they get, the more they should
do – or else you are creating lazy, spoiled adults that will abuse the
hard work and graces of their spouse one day!
6.
Correct them
when they disobey – the Bible calls it both correcting and chastising
a.
Punishing is
for older teens, and adults
b.
Correcting
is for children
c.
If you
constantly punish a child, you discourage them
d.
And if you
go too far, you will create a monster of a child, full of wrath – which
is the worst thing, and what most of our parents did with us!
e.
So, have
clear costs of disobedience – more about that next week on chastening
F.
How to Get
Them to Honour You
1.
You visibly
and publically honour God first
a.
Make Him
Lord of your life – the boss that you obey
b.
You stop
your own complaining about where God has you, and how hard things are
trying to do right
c.
Praise God
in your home
2.
YOU
personally honour YOUR authorities – as the example
a.
Your pastor
b.
The Garda
c.
Your husband
if you are the Mom
d.
Your
employer
e.
Your OWN
parents
f.
Do what they
tell you to do when it is not against Scripture; praise and respect
them!
3.
You then
teach your children to honour people like your wife, or your husband,
and all authorities because God says so. Just tell them to do it!
4.
And then you
command them rise up and honour whom they should honour (Lev 19:32)
a.
Older people
b.
Garda
c.
Church
elders
d.
Nurses
e.
Doctors
f.
The bus
driver
g.
The janitor
h.
The employer
i.
The
neighbours
5.
And then
command them to NOT honour those that are not worthy
a.
Sports stars
making 30 million a year
b.
Movie and
music stars – dope heads
6.
Sounds
simple, and it is!
G.
What About
Teenagers?
1.
It is a lot
harder the longer you wait to get started
2.
So, Take
time with them – love them! Take the time you should have taken when
they were younger
3.
Reason with
them – they are becoming young adults
4.
Listen to
them – sometimes they just have one thing stopping them, and if you took
the time to listen and help them understand something they are
struggling with, they can come back in line
5.
Lead them by
example
6.
Humble
yourself before them – don’t be only the boss – be real. Yes, you are
the head of the home Mom and Dad, but let your teenagers know you are
flawed like them
7.
Command them
anyway – that is your God-given job
8.
Correct them
when they disobey – don’t spare because of their whinging and crying
9.
Pray WITH
them. Sit down with them, and hold their hand, and pray with them about
their needs, and about their burdens
10.
Develop
their walk with God – always talking about spiritual things, and about
good things
11.
Pray FOR
them
H.
I am going
to stop here
I.
Next Week -
Help for the Father (Ephesians 6:4)
IV.
Conclusion
A.
The concept
of the ‘home’ is just about demolished – just about smashed beyond
recognition
B.
We need to
return to the Bible’s ways of having a home!
1.
God Wrote a
Message to Children! (Ephesians 6:1)
a.
Teaching
CHILDREN to obey, and honour, and support their parent’s decisions
b.
How are they
going to know what is right and wrong unless YOU Dad, unless YOU Mom
teach it!
c.
Reading the
words of Scripture to their children, even from a young age (2Tim 3:15)
2.
God Gave Two
Commands for Children (Ephesians 6:1,2)
a.
To obey your
Christian parents
b.
And to
honour your parents
c.
These are
the most important things for a child to learn to do
d.
Obedience is
serious
3.
I showed you
How to Get Children to Obey, and How to Get Them to Honour You
a.
Even your
teenagers!
b.
Did you take
note of how?
4.
Remember,
there is a Promise for Children who do obey their parents
a.
A good life
– blessed by God, protected by the hand of God, prospered by God
b.
And a long
life – lived so that they get to see THEIR grandchildren, and their
great grandchildren!
c.
Isn’t that
what every parent wants for their children?
d.
Well, then
train your children to obey you and your spouse, and to honour you and
your spouse!
5.
Obedience
makes it easier for a child to get born again and to follow God! A habitually disobedient child will find it
impossible to follow Jesus Christ, and will die in their sins one day!
C.
It is time
we all committed ourselves to raising a godly generation, in the midst
of a wicked culture
1.
Even though you probably you
didn’t learn much obedience in your home (unless it was more than 50
years ago). But you still need to humble yourself and accept that God is
right, and you and I are wrong
2.
As stubborn
as you may be, it is time for some PARENTS to become like children
again, and fear God and start doing things His way
3.
If you want
some help, God has plenty – it is called GRACE! |