The Husband and Wife Challenge
Home Sweet
Home - Part 3
How to Walk
in Love
Ephesians 5
The Husband and Wife Challenge
Home Sweet
Home - Part 3
How to Walk
in Love
Ephesians 5 |
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Pastor Craig Ledbetter
Bible Baptist Church, Ballincollig, Cork, Ireland
Apr 17, 2016 AM
I.
Introduction (Ephesians 5:1,2)
A.
The letter
to the Christians at Ephesus is one of the most practical, and
compelling books for the Christian to learn how to live the Christian
life!
B.
It begins
with some deep truths and explanations about our salvation in chapter
one, but has more instructions and plain talk
on living in the remaining 5
chapters than you will find in any vast library in any university in the
world!
C.
And
smack-dab in the middle of all the instructions in Ephesians is half of
a chapter dedicated to having a sweet Christian home!
D.
Three
common mis-conceptions about Marriage:
1.
It’s a
power struggle.
a.
To many
people, marriage is primarily about two individuals in competition with
one another. The most powerful person wins, so you need to make sure you
protect your own interests.
b.
If THAT is
what you believe about marriage, then both of you will just end up
cynical and bitter against each other. And you will end up in divorce
court!
c.
Don’t
forget, that after Adam and Eve rebelled against God in the Garden of
Eden, God himself said that the man-woman relationship will be cursed by
a struggle of desire, and of rule.
d.
Don’t let
your home settle for that lowest form of relationships!
2.
The
economic partnership.
a.
Some
people, without admitting it, believe marriage is simply an economic
partnership.
b.
Marriage,
in their minds is simply a contract between two people to ensure that
each others’ needs are met, like a little business.
c.
But, if you
think of your home only as a partnership, you will focus on the issues
that characterise businesses: like, management, chains of command,
questions about who makes the ‘decisions’ and who does the ‘tasks.’
d.
Often, in
these kind of homes, a husband will seek to keep his wife as a
‘subordinate’ in his chain of command, or a career-minded feministic
wife will seek to keep her husband under her thumb so that she can keep
her life the way she wants it!
3.
And then,
there is the fairy tale (a.k.a. the Disneyland “happily ever after”).
a.
In this
philosophy, marriage is ultimately all about ‘the two of us.’
1)
We believe
that we are ‘fulfilled’ in one another.
2)
We’re on a
romantic journey together; we don’t know where we’re going on this
journey, but it’s nice to hold hands on the way.
b.
Of course,
love and marriage are supposed to go together. But if we put such
inward-focused romantic love on a pedestal and make it the ultimate
goal, it becomes idolatry, and it will crash like glass when reality
sets in.
E.
According
to Ephesians 5, marriage is NOT a power struggle, or a partnership, or a
fairy-tale paradise. It is, rather, a deeply amazing union of two
different people who passionately love Jesus Christ more than they love
each other! And out of that love, they find the strength to love their
spouse like they should!
II.
Background
A.
What we are
about to learn, is part of the Christian life
1.
It’s NOT
only for a few people who seem to be able to live by these instructions.
It’s for every believer
2.
We are told
to WALK differently than we used to (4:17)
3.
Walk in
love (5:2) – what a great phrase
4.
Walk in
light (5:8) – out in the open, unashamed, following a guide – the Bible
5.
Walk in
good works (Eph 2:10) towards one another – especially your family!
6.
Walk
circumspectly (5:15) – watching for pitfalls, traps, enemies, lies, and
deceptions from culture
B.
Requires
being filled with the Holy Spirit of God (Ephesians 5:18-20)
1.
So, these
instructions are for believers only
2.
For those
who have learned to yield to God’s STILL SMALL voice as he guides and
instructs them
3.
Rejecting
anything that hinders, quenches God’s work in our homes
a.
Like wine
and strong drink, and drunkenness
b.
Like pills
and self-help books and classes
c.
Don’t lean
on any of those things, if you have the Spirit of God
4.
Focusing
your mind, and what you think about and dwell on, on David’s Psalms, and
on Christian HYMNS and on spiritual songs – NOT 96FM and REDFM, etc
5.
Making sure
you start GIVING THANKS for everything in your life
6.
If you
CAN’T do any of that, then what we are about to talk about will be
impossible for you! Guaranteed!
C.
Requires
Submission (Ephesians 5:21)
1.
What that
means is, letting go of control of your life (like a steering wheel), of
what you are willing to allow to happen in your life and your home
a.
And
submitting to God’s ways of doing things!
b.
In the fear
of God – that shows how serious this is
2.
A sweet
home requires humility like a car needs petrol!
3.
If you
don’t do things God’s way, there are serious repercussions!
4.
EXAMPLE: An
astronaut is in training
a.
Told that
there are rules and expectations of him when he launches off that launch
pad
b.
That as
long as he obeys the instructions from mission control, he will return
home alive
c.
But if he
does his own thing, and ignores any warning, and instructions, he could
and most probably WILL die
d.
And then
don’t you know, that that astronaut takes it seriously when he is
instructed to do even the smallest of things? Because he wants to live,
and fears causing a disaster that might not just cost him HIS life, but
the lives of those with him!
e.
Isn’t that
the same in our homes and families?
D.
Let me show
you ladies and gentlemen, how to “walk in love” as believers so that you
can have a Home Sweet Home!
III.
Message
A.
The Wife
Challenge – to love by submitting (Ephesians 5:22-24)
1.
It all
starts with the wife
a.
Don’t blame
me! I’m just the postman, delivering the mail!
b.
God
designed marriage, and defined the roles and work of everyone in a home
for it to thrive and be sweet!
2.
Listen to
the words, “Wives, submit
yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
3.
It’s a
Command
a.
God HAD to
make it a command.
b.
Because we
will not naturally do right for very long without rules and commandments
c.
So God
commands a wife to love her husband by submitting to him
4.
What does “submit
yourselves” mean?
a.
Not just
being nice to your husband, and humouring him…
b.
But to go
out of your way to honour him as the head of your life and of those in
your home
c.
To obey him
as the one in charge of your home
d.
To ALLOW
your husband to be in charge – not fight it and make his life miserable
as he tries to make decisions and do what he thinks is best for his
family
e.
Here is
another thought - Allow your husband to be the hero in your home – the
saviour
1)
He needs to
be needed more than you need your mother, or your job, or your soaps
2)
So, let him
be great
3)
And honour
him as if he is great
4)
He needs to
be your knight in shining armour
5)
He needs to
know that you see him that way! It motivates him!
f.
To
“reverence” him – give him the greatest honour in your home – more than
you give to your own parents, more than you give to your children
5.
THIS is NOT
what people have been taught for the past 50 years! And so, hasn’t our
world reaped the consequences? Domestic violence, divorces, separations,
suicides, crime rates – all out of control! And yet this is the most
feministic age ever!
6.
Now, it
doesn’t mean you have no say!
a.
You are
your husband’s other half
b.
You are
just as important to God as HE is
c.
Your soul
was purchased with the same amount of Christ’s blood as his was
d.
So, you
have the right to express your fears, and worries and concerns
e.
And you can
expect to be right an awful lot of the time!
f.
So, speak
up, express your opinions, worries, fears, concerns, and even opposition
g.
But in the
end, let him decide what to do
h.
You have to
trust that GOD knows what He is doing when he puts men like your husband
in charge of your home
i.
And you
have to believe that God WILL protect and bless your home, even when
your husband makes a mistake, and doesn’t lead the best!
j.
And you
HAVE to learn to pray for him, and hold him up in prayer like Aaron and
Hur held up Moses in the battles!
7.
This
Command is Consistent throughout Scripture
a.
Gen 3:16
Unto the woman [EVE] he [GOD] said, I will greatly multiply thy
sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children;
and thy desire shall be to thy husband,
and he shall rule over thee.
b.
Col 3:18
Wives, submit yourselves
unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.
c.
Titus 2:3-5
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh
holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good
things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their
husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good,
obedient to their own husbands,
that the word of God be not blasphemed.
d.
1Pe 3:1-6
Likewise, ye wives, be in
subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word,
they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose
adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and
of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the
hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the
ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of
great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also,
who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their
own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose
daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any
amazement.
8.
A
Comparison (5:23,24)
a.
The Apostle
Paul uses a reality that we all already expect, and extends it to our
homes
b.
Just as the
church is subject, submissive, obedient to Christ…
c.
So should a
wife be to her husband
d.
At least
Christians are supposed to be subject to the Lord Jesus Christ!
e.
True
Christians ARE subject to Christ, submitted to His leadership of their
lives
f.
There are a
lot of fakers, who love being thought of as good people, and moral, and
church goers, but they are rebels in their hearts, and have no intention
of EVER obeying the Bible
g.
THEY are
not the church!
9.
The Bible
says “in everything” (5:24)
a.
Is your
husband asking you to do something against Scripture?
1)
Then
respectfully say no
2)
Esther
teaches wives how to say no the right way
3)
Vashti did
it the wrong way, and lost her home!
b.
But if it
is not against clear Scripture, then follow him
c.
Don’t use
hardness as an excuse – “I just can’t do it” yes you can! And you must!
d.
Don’t use
culture as an excuse – “it is not how women do it in my culture” So
what?
e.
And DON’T
use your husband’s flaws and faults as an excuse
1)
Whether he
is saved or not – IF he is your husband, honour and submit
2)
Whether he
is right or not – you are going to have to trust God a lot, and not your
husband
f.
None of
those excuses are valid in love! Maybe in WAR, but not in love!
g.
Remember?
We are trying to learn to “walk
in love” in our homes!
10.
Ladies…
a.
You show
your love to God, by joyfully submitting to your husband’s leadership
b.
You show
your love to your husband by joyfully submitting – by yielding, by
letting HIM be in charge of the home
c.
So, let him
lead, and Pray for your husband, and help him when he fails!
11.
Now
gentlemen, YOUR TURN!
B.
The Husband
Challenge – to love by sacrificing (Ephesians 5:25-33)
1.
This is a
Command as well
a.
To love our
wives
b.
Boy!
Doesn’t that sound simple!
c.
We are
commanded to love GOD too!
d.
It’s funny
that we don’t do too well at either!
2.
Listen to
the words… “Husbands, love your
wives”
a.
Now, the
wife loves her husband by submitting to him as the church submits unto
the Lord.
b.
But the
husband loves his wife as the Lord Jesus sacrificially loves His church
c.
That means
there are two different directions of love, focused on the other person!
3.
So, What
does it mean, “to love our wife”?
a.
To honour,
prefer her ahead of ourselves – ouch!
b.
To serve
her – like Christ served His disciples and washed their feet!
c.
To listen
to her – and give in to her
when possible. In other words, if she sees things different than you do,
you had better have a VERY good reason to reject her opinion and do your
own thing
d.
To cherish
– to protect, and hold close, appreciate, be tender with
e.
Nourish –
feed, and strengthen, and help her in her weaknesses
f.
And to give
up things for her sake!
1)
That means,
to sacrifice what you want, so that you can give her what she wants –
you can’t give her everything she wants, but when you mainly spend money
on yourself, spend time doing what you want to do, then you are not
obeying the commandment
2)
If what she
needs is not against the Scriptures, then give it to her, do it for her,
even though it costs you what YOU may want instead!
3)
So, Be
proactive – think about what you are planning to do, and drop it for her
sake
4)
Show her
you can walk away from your comfort zones (your Mom and Dad) just to be
with her
5)
When it’s
the middle of the night and baby is crying a good man should get up
rather than always expect the wife will do it.
6)
So, Do
‘servant’ things, washing up, ironing (YES THE IRONING), cleaning,
mowing, cleaning the windows, taking her out for coffee, buying her, her
favourite chocolate…
7)
But don't
substitute those things for caring for her at the personal and spiritual
level, which is a lot harder.
8)
Give her
YOURSELF – your attention, and your will, when necessary!
g.
Now, you
KNOW you can do this, because you ALREADY HAVE! Almost every man has a
God-given, natural desire to please their wives, especially in the
dating period, engagement period and newlywed period.
4.
What a
husband’s love does NOT mean:
a.
Does not
mean making her happy.
1)
THAT is not
your job. Yes, seek to please her, but know, you never will. She needs
Christ! She needs her own walk with Him, and she needs to obey Jesus, or
you will have hell in home
2)
Woe is the
house where everyone worries about keeping MOM happy!
3)
In too many
homes, if Momma aint happy, then ain’t nobody happy! That’s wrong!
b.
Does not
mean cleansing her of sin – can’t do it! Only the blood of Jesus Christ
can!
c.
Does not
mean making her holy, and without flaws! Nope! Nope! Nope!
d.
Jesus, and
ONLY Jesus can do all that!
e.
Too many
men have been destroyed by wives who expected their husbands to be all
they need!
f.
So, Like
Jesus sacrificed Himself so that those wonderful things could be
accomplished in your wife’s life, so ought you and I to sacrifice OUR
lives for our wife’s good:
5.
A
Comparison (5:25,28)
a.
Love her,
as Jesus Christ loved you!
b.
Love her
just as the Messiah, the greatest Man who ever lived, loved US – the
most worthless pieces of dirt to ever exist!
c.
Love her
like you love yourself! And you KNOW you do love and pamper yourself!
6.
There is a
Cost – there always is (5:25,31)
a.
The
sacrifice of yourself
b.
Not just
your money, or your time, or your career… But you.
c.
Loving that
woman will wear you out!
d.
So be it!
7.
Complete –
you two are One! It’s a Fact (5:30,31)
a.
You two are
no longer two – you are one flesh, one person in God’s eyes
b.
Each of you
have been given:
1)
Two
additional hands
2)
Two
additional feet
3)
Two
additional eyes
4)
Another
mind
5)
Another
heart
c.
And you
wouldn’t ignore any of them anymore than you would ignore your left hand
and only washed, and used your right hand!
d.
So, now, BE
the one body, that God forged when He put you two together!
C.
The
Marriage Challenge – to be an Example to Our World (5:32)
1.
A Christian
home is different than what may be normal in society
2.
A man and a
woman, committed to loving each other God’s way is an example to the
world of everything there is about Biblical Christianity, and especially
God’s definition of love!
3.
Living
together, not being married, not committed will never show what Christ’s
love is like, nor what it can do!
4.
Without
sweet homes, submissive homes, loving homes, the world will never
conceive of the Gospel, and the love of Christ!
5.
Oh that we
knew just how important our homes are to this lost and dark world!
IV.
Invitation
A.
A Christian
Marriage is NOT a power struggle, or a partnership, or a fairy-tale
paradise. It is, rather, a deeply amazing union of two different people
who passionately love Jesus Christ more than they love each other! And
out of that love, they find the strength to love their spouse like they
should!
1.
It Requires
being filled with the Holy Spirit of God
2.
And it
Requires Submission and Humility
B.
God has
given three challenges – one to the wife, one to the husband, and one to
both of them
1.
The Wife
Challenge – to love by submitting (Ephesians 5:22-24)
a.
To NOT just
being nice to your husband, and humouring him…
b.
But to go
out of your way to honour him as the head of your life and of those in
your home
c.
To obey him
as the one in charge of your home
d.
To ALLOW
your husband to be in charge – not fight it and make his life miserable
as he tries to make decisions and do what he thinks is best for his
family
e.
To Allow
your husband to be the hero in your home – the saviour
f.
To
“reverence” him – give him the greatest honour in your home – more than
you give to your own parents, more than you give to your children
g.
Ladies… You
show your love to God, by joyfully submitting to your husband’s
leadership
h.
Will you do
that, starting today, by God’s grace?
2.
The Husband
Challenge – to love by sacrificing (Ephesians 5:25-33)
a.
To NOT just
love our wives”
b.
But to
honour, prefer her ahead of ourselves
c.
To listen
to her
d.
To cherish
– to protect, and hold close, appreciate, be tender with
e.
Nourish –
feed, and strengthen, and help her in her weaknesses
f.
And to give
up things for her sake!
g.
Love her,
as Jesus Christ loved you!
h.
Love her
like you love yourself! And you KNOW you do love and pamper yourself!
i.
Gentlemen…
there is a Cost
1)
The
sacrifice of yourself!
2)
Not just
your money, or your time, or your career… But you.
3)
Loving that
woman will wear you out!
4)
Will you
start paying that price, starting today, by God’s grace?
3.
The
Marriage Challenge – to be an Example to Our World
Without
sweet homes, submissive homes, loving homes, the world will never
conceive of the Gospel, and the love of Christ!
4.
The Heart
Challenge
a.
The world,
and this generation will NEVER do this stuff
b.
Many of YOU
in this room will never do any of this!
c.
Our human
nature is selfish, and will NOT stay in relationships that don’t make us
happy
d.
You need a
new kind of heart to do any of these things (Ezek 36:26)
e.
So, if YOU
want to have a truly Home Sweet Home, you will need to do these things
in the fullness of the power of the Holy Spirit, or it will not happen
f.
So, focus
your energies on four things:
1)
On walking
in love – not on history, faults, flaws, feelings, but a believing
choice
2)
On Jesus
Christ – follow our pattern
3)
Loving, and
submitting to God first before you try and love and submit to your
spouse!
4)
On
strengthening what you home have – not tearing it down (Prov 14:1)
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