What Happens
When We Don’t Forgive?
Matthew 18
Pastor Craig Ledbetter
27 June, 2010 AM
I.
Introduction (Acts 18:38,39)
A.
THE greatest
thing that could ever happen in ANY person’s life is to be forgiven by God!
1.
You many not
get much else right in your Christian life, but you better get the concept
of forgiveness right!
2.
People have
such a flippant view of their sin, and all its consequences, that God’s
forgiveness is the last thing they are worried about.
3.
Oh, they are
very concerned when someone wrongs them, and they are very determined to
make sure that justice prevails when they have been hurt…
4.
But, when it
comes to their own actions and attitudes, they couldn’t be bothered – people
just don’t worry about getting right with other people
5.
And it is
because people aren’t concerned with getting right with God
B.
The Gospel
is all about fixing our relationship with God. That’s what the disciples
went all over the world preaching! The Gospel is NOT about health, wealth,
success, houses, economies, family, education, accomplishment, or anything
else. Because there is nothing, I mean NOTHING greater than being absolutely
and completely forgiven by God!
C.
AND, it is
about enabling us to fix our relationship with others!
1.
When THAT
relationship is fixed up (vertically), we can fix up and enjoy any
relationship problem (horizontally)!
2.
When we
can’t forgive others, it is because we have neither known or experienced
forgiveness ourselves!
II.
Review – We learned a few weeks
ago about The Greatness of Forgiveness (Mt 18:21-27)
A.
Peter’s Struggle
(Matthew 18:21-22)
1.
With
forgiving people!
2.
He saw what
people did against him as SIN
3.
Asked how
many times must he forgive them before he would stop and say there was no
more forgiveness for them!
4.
Peter offers
what he thought was very extreme – “I’ll give them seven times, and any more
than that would just be asking me too much!”
5.
Jesus
responds and says, “Try forgiving 70 times 7” – 490 times the same brother,
and possibly the same offense!
6.
I can
imagine not only Peter’s mouth, but every disciple’s mouth hit the floor in
amazement! How could ANYONE forgive like that?
7.
The answer
is by looking at how much we have been forgiven!
B.
Jesus’ Lesson - A King’s Pardon
(Mt 18:23-27)
1.
Great Debt
(Mt 18:23-24)
a.
Unbelievable
Debt
1)
This servant
owed the king 10,000 talents
2)
This was an
immense sum – like a king’s ransom. Equivalent to €20,000,000
3)
That’s
pretty hard to imagine a single person getting into that much debt
4)
Jesus choose
an impossible amount to show our debt account with GOD!
5)
The Concept
of Sin and Wrong (Isaiah 59:1,2)
a)
We have
forgotten that we humans are in trouble with God!
(i)
Matthew 3:7
“who hath warned you…?”
(ii)
(iii)
The hardest
part of Christianity today is getting people to admit that they are in
trouble with God. That they owe God big
time!
(iv)
The fact
that people are finding it harder and harder to forgive today is simply
because they know less and less of the forgiveness that THEY need themselves
b)
Why are we
in so much trouble with God? Why is wrath coming?
Because of sin
(i)
If we break
a window, we owe it to replace that window
(ii)
If we steal
a game from a shop, we owe it to replace that game in full
(iii)
If we gather
a grocery cart of food, and just walk out of a shop without paying, we OWE
it to pay for all that food don’t we?
(iv)
If we say
hurtful things to someone, we owe it to make it up to them
(v)
It is called
being in debt to the person we have wronged!
c)
All have
sinned (Rom 3:10) – every last one of us have disobeyed God, and broken
God’s laws, and ignored His commandments
d)
There is not
one of you, not one person on this planet who has not sinned against God
almighty! That has not become indebted to God for some wrong word, or action
against Him!
e)
The wages,
the results, the consequences of sin is death (Rom 6:23) – serious
punishment. Not a slap on the wrist, or a verbal rebuke, but an eternal
punishment of death in hell!
b.
Unable to
Pay! (Mt 18:25)
1)
What an
understatement!
2)
Just any one
of you try and pay back 20 million!
3)
This man had
no way to pay such a debt!
c.
Unavoidable
Ruin (Mt 18:25)
1)
No bailout
2)
Payment HAD
to be paid – oh that people were FORCED to repay their debts, and pay all
their bills again!
3)
His debt was
going to ruin not only his life, but the lives of his wife and children
4)
Payment was
going to be made!
2.
Great
Repentance (Mt 18:26)
a.
Notice the
worship
1)
Worship
occurs when we realise who it is we are facing!!!
2)
No one
worships a “god” to whom we owe nothing
3)
But OH how
we worship a God to whom we owe everything
b.
This man has
a resolve – a determination – “I will take responsibility” for my debts
1)
That’s a
Good attitude
2)
Willing to
take responsibility – OH how we need people to take responsibility for how
they are living and the costs of their lifestyles, and the price they must
pay to make things right
c.
Repentance
is the sincere desire to be forgiven
1)
Not that
something be overlooked, but that all debts would be paid
2)
He didn’t
just walk up to the king and ask him to erase all his debts!
3)
He just
wanted to live and not be punished for getting so far into debt!
3.
Great
Forgiveness (Mt 18:27)
a.
Obviously by
now you know that this parable is about us and God
b.
Attitudes
about Sin
1)
Wrong
Attitude: that they are just mistakes, minor details, God doesn’t mind
2)
Right
attitude: Ezra 9:6; Psalm 38:4; 40:12!!!
c.
The king has
great compassion towards the servant
1)
Not because
of his ability to pay – he had no ability
2)
But because
the king was moved – something pulled Him towards forgiving the entire debt
3)
Psalm
130:3,4, “If thou, LORD, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand?
But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.” – thank God
for His mercy and compassion!
d.
It was
Complete Forgiveness - The king forgave the entire debt
1)
He didn’t
REDUCE the debt
2)
He didn’t
RENEGOTIATE the payments
3)
He
completely REMOVED the entire debt (forgave it)
4)
AND the king
removed the punishment for getting into such debt!
5)
This servant
was able to walk away, FREE of all debt – as if he had never been in debt –
justified – pardoned! His forgiveness was PERFECT (Ps 103:12; Heb 10:17)
6)
The King,
who just moments earlier was the enemy of that servant, was now at peace
with him (Rom 5:1; 8:1)
e.
Look at what
the king did:
1)
The king was
ready to forgive! Didn’t live in vengeance. He wanted to forgive. God is so
ready to forgive (Psalm 86:5; Isa 55:7)
2)
The king
waited for the servant to be repentant. The servant had to be repentant to
receive forgiveness!
3)
The KING
bore the debt now. The money did not appear from somewhere else. It cost the
KING to forgive the servant!!!
4)
Now you can
understand how GOD forgives us! The price of His perfect forgiveness:
a)
The bloody
death of His Son (Ephesians 1:7)
b)
The
crucifixion (
c)
And His
death was enough to pay for the sins of the whole world (1
f.
What kind of
a sinner can God forgive? The worst – those that murdered His Son were
offered forgiveness!!!
C.
You would
think that such an event in a person’s life would completely change it, and
that he/she would be able to forgive others, but it doesn’t happen very
often!
D.
Not unless
we understand the dangers of Unforgiveness!
III.
Message – The Tyranny of
Unforgiveness
A.
Jesus next
teaches the second half of His lesson on forgiveness. Remember that Peter
has asked Jesus just how many times he has to forgive his brother? This was
Jesus’ answer:
B.
The Servant’s Failure
(Matthew 18:28-34)
1.
This is the
Same Servant (Mt 18:28)
a.
The same guy
who had just been forgiven the most incredible debt imaginable!
b.
This guy
should be the happiest and most amazing man you would ever meet
1)
Forgiven,
pardoned, justified, his record is clear
2)
Sounds like
a blessed man (Psalm 32:1; Isa 1:18)
c.
But he is
definitely not a happy camper!
2.
He is an
Angry Servant - Holding a Grudge (Mt
18:28)
a.
Went out
looking for someone who owed him money!
b.
Grabbed him
– took him by the throat!
c.
Demanded him
to pay him what he owed him that very moment!
d.
This is
anger in action.
e.
Do
Christians do such things? Oh yes indeed!
3.
He has a
Fellow Servant (Mt 18:28)
a.
The man he
grabs was not his own servant, or a slave, but a fellow-servant – an equal.
This man was at his level, so to speak – just like him
b.
Yet, because
he owed him a little bit of money, he was treated like dirt now
c.
Money, and
especially debt, makes slaves out of anybody! Prov 22:7 says, “The rich
ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.”
4.
He is Owed
A Small Debt (Mt 18:28)
a.
100 pence –
equivalent to 100 loaves of bread
b.
Many people
got this far in debt – it was normal for people to owe something to someone
c.
Notice the
comparison Jesus is making – between an incalculable debt, and a tiny debt.
It should have been EASY to deal with this guy
d.
It is most
amazing how the smallest thing can become a large grudge in our hearts!
1)
Someone
getting ahead of you in line at the register
2)
Someone
cutting in front of you on the highway
3)
Someone
taking the parking space you were backing into!
4)
Someone
ignoring you or not saying hello to you
5)
Someone
getting a raise and you not
6)
Someone
buying a better car than yours, for less money!
7)
Someone
saying a hurtful word to you
e.
I have
talked with people who are still holding things against people who are dead
and gone. Of course the dead ones are no longer being harmed, but the living
one is in great danger from the Tormentors. We know who the Tormentors are
don’t we? We are going to learn them. The fact that a person is dead and
gone does not relieve us from the responsibility of forgiving them!
f.
Many a
family has carried on the grudges and bitterness of a generation that is
dead and gone: see
5.
Forgetting to Forgive
(Mt 18:29,30)
a.
In the face
of an angry lender, the fellow-servant fell on his knees and begged for time
so that he would attempt to pay it all back (sound familiar? See Mt 18:26)
b.
Though
forgiven himself, the first man does not forgive his fellow-servant.
c.
Instead he
holds him Accountable and “makes him pay” what he OWES!
d.
He severely
punishes someone who owes him only €1
e.
Uh, wait a
minute… Wasn’t this guy forgiven of his great debt? I think he has forgotten
it far too quickly, don’t you? He has forgotten to forgive!
6.
No Mercy
- Only Punishment (Mt 18:30)
a.
Oh the power
we take unto ourselves when we with hold forgiveness!
b.
He didn’t
even give him a chance to pay it back
c.
The
fellow-servant probably only needed a few days to get together the money
d.
Instead, he
chose to TORMENT him – “made him pay!”
1)
Put him into
bondage and prison (for the debt of a 100 pence)
2)
He had the
power to do it – it was his right
3)
He felt good
about what he was doing. In his mind, he was RIGHT to do what he was doing.
Justice was prevailing as far as he was concerned
4)
But he
forgot about his own Master!
7.
Ultimate Justice
(Mt 18:31-34)
a.
Do you want
justice? Do you really?
b.
Then you
will lose big time yourself!
c.
This first
man was held responsible for forgiving just as he was for his paying debts!
d.
For that
wrong attitude, “he” is tormented for the rest of his life!
C.
The Saviour’s Lesson
(Matthew 18:35) This is big!
1.
Forgiveness
is a BIG deal
a.
Unbelief is
the biggest obstacle between us and God – the sin that keeps a man out of
heaven!
b.
Unrepentance
is the second biggest obstacle – not giving up a sin!
c.
Unforgiveness is third biggest obstacle between us and God – you have GOT to
learn this!
2.
The Meaning
of Forgiveness
a.
To treat
someone as no longer guilty. To pardon. To put away an offense, or a crime
and restore peace between two enemies
b.
What it is
NOT:
1)
It is NOT
arbitrary, or random, but precise and exact
2)
It is not
piecemeal. Forgiveness does not cover a majority of a crime, it removes the
punishment completely
3)
It is not
words you say – like when you were children and your parents made you say,
“I’m sorry” and “It’s okay, I forgive you”
4)
It is not
Denial – where the offended person just tries to forget something happened.
a)
Forgetting
is NOT forgiveness
b)
Forgiveness
however, will always enable you to forget!
c)
We might
fool ourselves and others into thinking we have "forgiven". But all of the
emotions and hurt are still there--only held back by force of will in
deliberated denial. But when we see "that person" again and all the
bitterness and pain rise up again within us, it only shows we have NOT
forgiven them!
c.
It IS from
God! Consider God's perspective.
1)
Nothing is
hidden from His sight: the evil intent, the hidden lust, the damage done,
the choosing of that which is wrong, etc. And yet He is the author and
originator of forgiveness.
2)
If we are
going to really forgive, we are going to have to do it His way: with our
eyes open, not an avoiding a person’s hurt, but a dealing with it squarely,
no matter how painful it may be.
3)
If we are
ever going to understand forgiveness, we are going to have to see just how
much God forgives and how He forgives!
d.
Now, what is
our part in forgiveness?
1)
The way we
treat others OUGHT to be the way we have been treated by God
2)
God sent His
Son Jesus to die for our sins, so that we may be reconciled to Him, without
spot or blemish. He asks that we give others the same forgiveness that paid
for us.
3)
Jesus is not
saying that the person we are forgiving is not guilty. Quite often they are!
But, forgiveness on our part is a simple DECISION to do so. We must not
judge whether or not we have forgiven by an emotional test. We cannot
control our emotions, but we can CHOOSE to obey God and forgive. When the
Lord sees our heart felt desire to forgive He will sooner or later help our
emotions to fall in line with our decision. It is then that the feeling of
God’s great Love floods our heart. Do not worry if this lovely feeling does
not come at once, just hold fast to your decision and the Lord will
certainly do His part.
4)
Forgiveness
MUST be from the heart!
5)
You lose in
order to win! When you forgive, you let go of the power that you hold over
that person!
a)
True
Forgiveness will change you – maybe not the other person, but it will change
YOU
b)
Unforgiveness will damage you
3.
The Dangers of Unforgiveness
a.
Poison
1)
Unforgiveness is the single most powerful poison that Satan uses against
God's people, and it is one of the deadliest poisons a person can take
spiritually.
2)
It causes
problems!
3)
It causes
everything from mental depression, to health problems such as cancer and
arthritis. I'm not saying that in every single case of cancer, it is due to
unforgiveness, but I am saying that it can cause cancer. Scientist can't
quite explain it, doctors don't understand where it comes from; it's the
symptoms of a curse.
4)
God allowed
the Israelites to face diseases and sickness when they disobeyed Him (Deut
28:58-61), and when they would turn back to Him, He would heal their land
and take sickness from their midst (Exodus 23:25, Deut 7:15). It is no
different today!
b.
It will damn
you if you do not receive it yourself from God
c.
It will ruin
your life if you do not give it to those who have hurt you!
d.
The
tormentors
1)
In Christ’s
day, these guys were prison officers; wardens who made life in prison
unbearable. Prison was not a place to recover, but to be punished, and they
made sure you were convinced to never come back there again!
2)
But for us,
the tormentors include (start with Dt 28:15…):
a)
Mental and
emotional problems (Deut 28:28),
(i)
Fears
(ii)
Nightmares
(iii)
Guilt
(iv)
Sleeplessness
(v)
Demonic
attacks
(vi)
Emotional
stress (Deut 28:34)
b)
Physical
problems (Deut 28:35, 60, 61) – boils, rashes, blood pressure
c)
Financial
problems (Deut 28:17, 38, 43)
d)
Divorce and
unfaithful spouse (Deut 28:30, 56)
e)
Childlessness (Lev 20:21),
f)
And that's
not all, those problems can be handed down to your future generations
(Exodus 20:5).
e.
Leaving
Doors Open for the Devil?
1)
We all agree
the devil uses the following things to get a stronghold back in our lives
a)
Involvement
in the occult (such as oui-ja boards, horoscopes, sceances, eastern
religions, reincarnation, transcedental meditation, yoga, karate, hypnosis,
New Age, drugs, etc)
b)
Cursed
objects in your house (Buddha dolls, rabbit’s feet, new age crystals,
statues or sculptures of pagan gods from Mexico, India, China, etc., Rock
and Roll albums, books on the occult like Scientology, Psychic practices,
ESP, Kharma, etc),
c)
Any habitual
sins you might currently be in such as pornography, adultery, lying,
stealing, etc., etc.
d)
All these
things are forbidden and most of them are cursed by God in the Bible. By
participating in these things, these curses open doors to the demons.
2)
But so also
does the devil wait for us to become bitter and unforgiving!
3)
Unforgiveness is a open door for the devil to torment your life again (Eph
4:26,27)
4.
CLOSE THE
DOORS ON SATAN!
a.
Unforgiveness must be cast down like any other sin.
1)
The spirit
of Unforgiveness is just as demonic as witchcraft!
2)
When the
full revelation of what our Lord said concerning turning us over to the
Tormentors strikes, we will be afraid to hold a grudge. I wonder how often
an unforgiving spirit has separated us from God’s flow of Grace and power in
our lives?
b.
Examine
Yourselves
1)
Is there
anybody you feel edgy around? (Don't like them, feel anything in your heart
against them, etc.)
2)
Do you have
anything against anybody? In other words, is there anybody that you have a
hard time demonstrating the love of Christ to?
3)
Has anybody
wronged you that you haven't forgiven from your heart (thoughts, feelings,
emotions, etc.)?
4)
How do your
view your siblings, parents, coworkers, etc.? Do you have any hard feelings
against them?
5)
Do you make
a habit of blaming yourself for everything? Do you obsess over your mistakes
and feel unusually guilty for them?
6)
Do you
deeply regret things that you've done in your past? Could you kick yourself
over something you've done in your past? If so, explain.
c.
Take a good
look at your home!
1)
Some of you
kids have let unforgiveness against your parents block your relationship
with God
2)
Some of you
wives are powerless because you refuse to forgive your husbands
3)
Some of you
men are bitter against your dad, or your wife
5.
If you
refuse to accept God's forgiveness or refuse to forgive others:
a.
You are
placing yourselves in the position of being HIGHER than God.
This is a form of idolatry and subject to the judgment of God.
b.
You are also
saying that sacrifice of Jesus was of no value.
c.
And you may
well be under the control of a demonic spirit or a spirit of self
condemnation or suicide. Shown by the torments of your life!
IV.
Conclusion/Application
A.
What people
need is forgiveness of their sins. Forgiveness not through good works, or
through the sacraments, or through absolution, or through denial.
B.
It is only
fully paid for by Jesus Christ
1.
Though
salvation is a free gift, it is not unconditional. It is conditioned upon
faith in Christ. Putting our faith in the atoning work of Christ for the
forgiveness of our sins requires that we view ourselves as truly in debt to
God. We cannot receive Christ without true conviction of sin. We cannot
receive him with the attitude: "I'm not really all that bad a person, but
whatever trivial things you have against me, forgive me for these."
2.
The great
news is that we do not have to live with unforgiveness. God sent his son
Jesus to the earth to take our sins for us and provide us with forgiveness
(and so much more). Not just forgiveness in a spiritual or religious sense,
but cleansing so complete that it has no more affect on us. 1
3.
Forgiveness
is available right now.
a.
"If we say
that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we
confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to
cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not
sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us" (I
4.
Make it
available to everyone around you!