How
to Help Fathers Reclaim their Fire!
2 Samuel 23
Pastor Craig Ledbetter
20 June, 2010 AM
Father’s Day
I.
Introduction (2Sam 23:4,5)
A.
Look at verse 5, “Although
my house be not so with God…”
B.
David is dying, and
this chapter contains the last things he said before dying.
C.
In the middle of all
the reminiscing, all the blessings from God, David remembers that things were
not perfect in his home!
D.
David had some sighs,
some sorrows about his home, and his children! About his failures as a father,
and even as a believer!
E.
Yet he did not end his
life full of regret!
F.
Unlike most Dads today,
David’s heart was not destroyed by his stupid choices in life
G.
His heart had found
healing, and restoration
H.
Every father needs this
message, because there is not a father alive who is not a failure in some way
shape or form!
II.
Background
A.
Some Famous Fathers in
the Bible
1.
Adam – the FIRST Father
2.
Noah – the Righteous
Father
3.
Abraham – the Faithful
Father
4.
Moses – the Lawgiver
5.
Samuel – The Greatest
Prophet
6.
Eli –
7.
David – The Greatest
King of
B.
One thing in common…
FAILURE
1.
Adam – Failed! His
disobedience brought death into the world, specifically Cain’s murder of Abel
2.
Noah – Failed in the
rearing of Ham
3.
Abraham – Failed in his
relationship with Sarah, and in the training of Ishmael
4.
Moses – Failed to take
care of the needs of his home – was too busy in the ministry
5.
Samuel – Lost his two
sons
6.
Eli – Lost his two sons
7.
David – Lost Amnon,
Tamar, and then Absalom, and then Bathsheba’s baby
8.
This is Rough!
a.
Not one of these great
fathers, great men of faith succeeded in raising a perfectly Godly family
b.
Not one of them kept
from letting their wife down
c.
Not one of them did not
have any regrets
d.
Fatherhood is rough
e.
Somebody once said,
“It’s easy to become a Dad. It’s just hard to be one!”
C.
Fathers are a Priority!
1.
Mothers… I’m sorry, but
DADS are just as important as you all are! Mother’s Day is MUCH bigger than
father’s Day, but believe me, having a Dad is absolutely necessary
2.
Social science has
finally figured out that fathers are important… at least by the process of
elimination.
a.
Eliminate fathers, and
children’s lives deteriorate.
b.
A father’s absence is a
disaster that places kids at risk for a multitude of negative outcomes, ranging
from dropping out of school, to drug use, to teen pregnancy, to depression.
c.
All can be traced back
to the lack of a strong father in the home!
3.
People are being taught
the opposite about Fatherhood
a.
By Feminists! Feminists
have, for the past forty years, insisted that mothers can do it all. One of the
high priestesses of the so-called women's movement, Gloria Steinem, once
declared, "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle."
b.
By Television, by the
Magazines, and by Mothers
c.
Manhood is mocked all
day long
d.
Manhood is resisted by
mothers and wives – they only want “good boys” who obey them and don’t want to
get dirty, and say yes dear
e.
Manhood is ruined!
1)
Just look out our
society
2)
Generation Y is made up
of full-blown wimps. No Kidding.
3)
The modern young man is
downright girlish. Even though they have scruffy unshaven beards! He dyes his
hair, wears tight unkept clothes, and thinks nothing of buying cosmetics as long
as it is labeled "pour homme".
4)
This guy is the
feminists' perfect man. He takes his meds, has a therapist, never complains
about anything other than the weather.
5)
He is a silenced man,
robbed of his masculinity by society, and shamed out of his will to speak up.
6)
None of them will make
a good father!
4.
You can’t quite explain
a father’s role by the things he does
a.
He doesn’t usually do
many chores in the house: ironing, washing, mopping
b.
He doesn’t do well at
child care: changing nappies, potty training
c.
So… why is he so
important in the home?!
d.
Because he is DAD! And
if he would get back to being Dad, instead of just a male adult in the house,
our homes could be slavaged!
5.
Almost 50 years of the
western world trying to live without strong Dads has resulted in:
a.
The rise in power of
the homosexual movement – effeminate men
b.
The dramatic rise in
domestic violence – frustrated men
c.
The drink and drug
scourge in every layer of society – depressed men
d.
The 50% rate of
separation and divorce – defeated men (70% of all separations and divorces are
initiated by women).
6.
Men need a reason to
reclaim fatherhood! Especially young men!
a.
They all want to be a
toy of some girl today, dragged around by cave women
b.
But they don’t look
forward to being Dads!
1)
With the bills to pay
2)
The house to buy
3)
The pregnant wife to
please and take care of
4)
The in-laws to love
5)
The time it takes to
train up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord!
c.
There is a thrill, a
fire that is missing today in being a Dad!
d.
God gave us that
reason, that challenge – wired it inside of us, and empowers it through our
relationship with Jesus Christ!
D.
I am a Dad, and I love
it! I wouldn’t trade one minute of it!
E.
But believe me! It
hurts a lot being a Dad. Why?
1.
Because of the failures
a.
If you are not very
aware of your failures, your wife will be!
b.
Your failures will look
back at you across the breakfast table
c.
They will come back and
haunt you in your later years with unwed pregnancies, with court summons, with
money problems, with family bitterness
2.
Because of the future
at stake – constantly the burden of the future is on Dads
3.
Because of the flesh
that we all struggle against
F.
But again I say, I
wouldn’t trade one minute of it, because as a Christian, I have found that there
is constant strength and healing in the midst of all the failures and regrets
G.
I want to talk about
how a Failed Father’s heart was healed
1.
His name? David
2.
His failure? Absalom –
his firstborn son, rebelled, took over the kingdom, got killed
3.
His regret? Not acting
fast enough, transparent enough, far enough when we was Dad
4.
Let’s look at the end
of his life and see how he handled such grief and sorrow of being a Failed
Father
III.
Message - Healing a Father’s Heart
How Does a Father Get His Heart Fixed When it Hurts All the Time?
A.
By
Remembering God’s Hand in Your Life
(2Samuel 23:1-3a)
1.
Look at how David
describes himself (verse 1).
a.
"I am the son of Jesse"
1)
A plain, ordinary
shepherd boy who was so proud to be a son of his Daddy, Jesse.
2)
Not the first born, but
the EIGHTH son!
b.
"The man who was raised
up on high, the anointed of the God of Jacob" (1 Sam. 16:1-12).
1)
David never got over
the wonders of God’s love and grace (2 Sam. 6:21; Ps. 65:4) and call over his
life.
2)
For forty years David
had reigned as king over
a)
And it was a marvellous
reign. He had led
b)
He had led the people
in spiritual devotion. He had been both God’s king and God’s prophet.
c.
"The sweet psalmist of
2.
Remember who you are in
Christ!
a.
Your family may not be
much, but they are family!
b.
If you are saved this
morning, you have been raised up on high too! As kings and priests! A child of
almighty God!
c.
You are Anointed with
the same Holy Spirit as David AND Jesus was!
3.
Remember where God has
brought you!
a.
Where would you be
without the Lord leading you?
b.
Take a look around and
see where God has taken you!
4.
So,
Remember God’s Hand in Your Life
a.
Remember who you are in
Christ!
b.
Remember where God has
brought you!
c.
And where you are
headed
How Does a Father Get His Heart Fixed When it Hurts All the Time?
B.
By
Remembering God’s Expectations of You
(23:3)
1.
God Called You! To be
DAD in your home!
a.
That means, BE Dad.
God called you to this special place!
1)
To most people, a Dad
is only a “male parent”
2)
A father is …
a)
A father is a person
who is forced to endure childbirth without an anesthetic.
b)
He growls when he feels
good and laughs very loud when he is scared half-to-death.
c)
He talks a lot about
when he was a kid.
d)
A father never feels
entirely worthy of the worship in his child’s eyes.
e)
He is never quite the
hero his daughter thinks . . .
f)
Never quite the man his
son believes him to be. And this worries him sometimes.
g)
Fathers are men who
give daughters away to other men, who aren’t nearly good enough, so that they
can have children that are smarter than anybody’s.
h)
He is someone who wants
to catch you before you fall but instead picks you up, brushes you off, and lets
you try again.
i)
Fathers fight dragons
almost every day.
j)
That is what a father
is!
3)
Dad
God took the strength
of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer
sun,
The calm of a mighty
sea,
The generous soul of
nature,
The comforting arm of
night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of an eagle’s
flight,
The joy of a morning in
spring,
The faith of a mustard
seed,
The patience of
eternity,
The depth of a family
need,
Then God combined these
qualities,
When there was nothing
more to add,
He knew His masterpiece
was complete,
And so, He called it …
Dad
4)
I know none of you
older than 10 actually believe that, but it sure is a great way to think about
your Dad!
5)
To be dad means you are
responsible for what happens in your home: all the fights, and disobedience; as
well as all the worship, and the praise; the failures and the successes!
Everything happens either because you neglect to do something, or you work hard
at accomplishing it by faith! Dads! Don’t leave it all to your wife! Reclaim
your place in your home!
b.
That means be the
leader of your home,
both spiritually and physically
1)
God called YOU to lead
your family by example,
2)
And to lead by command
c.
That means SERVE
– he that would be a great father must be servant of all
1)
God showed all of us
men how to be great – by being servant of all
2)
Serve your wife, and
your children – give of yourself
3)
Do you know what your
family needs?
a)
Your walk with God
b)
Your work ethic
c)
Your wife – as a team
d)
Your worship – public
times at church! Put God first, or else your children will have no time for God
at all!
e)
Your touch
2.
“Just” – means to be
right, and godly in your decisions
a.
Not worldly, carnal
b.
David had failed here
with Bathsheba
3.
“Ruling in the fear of
God”
a.
Not in the fear of man
b.
Not in the fear of your
wife or mother in law
c.
Not in fear of
failure!!!
d.
To fear God means to do
thing HIS way, fearing Him getting upset with you!
4.
Summary: God expects
you to be:
a.
The Dad in your home!
b.
Godly in your home!
Leading your home as God commands!
c.
Fearing God, and
obeying Him yourself!
How Does a Father Get His Heart Fixed When it Hurts All the Time?
C.
By
Accepting the Reaping by You
(2Sam 23:5; Gal 6:7)
1.
As he lay on his death
bed, looking within himself and around upon his family and friends, David
remembered many things which caused him much sorrow. He said, "Although my house
be not so with God."
2.
Two times David sinks
low
a.
Although my house be
not so with God
b.
And, although he make
it not grow
3.
David’s heart was
heavy, because many in his household neither knew nor worshipped his God.
a.
His wife Michal (2 Sam.
6:20).
b.
His son Amnon and his
daughter Tamar (2 Sam. 13:6-18).
c.
His son Absalom:
1)
Absalom killed Amnon (2
Sam. 13:19-29).
2)
Absalom was expelled
from the palace for three years.
3)
Absalom revolted
against his father, and nearly destroyed the kingdom
4)
Absalom’s horrible
death (2 Sam. 18:33).
d.
David’s house was not
as he wished while he lived. And He foresaw that it would be no better after he
was gone.
e.
NOTE: David’s house was
typical of every home - Often it is not as we might wish.
4.
David’s heart sighed,
because of his remembrance of sin.
a.
His Vengeance Against
Nabal (1 Sam. 25).
b.
His Faking before the
Philistine king Achish (1 Sam. 21:13).
c.
His Adultery with
Bathsheba
d.
His Murder of Uriah The
Hittite (2 Sam. 11 And 12).
e.
His excessive Mourning
over Absalom (2 Sam. 19:1-8).
f.
The Prideful Numbering
of
5.
NOTE: David found no
hope or comfort in himself. His "good works" gave him no reason for joy, but
only more sorrow. No amount of EFFORT could make up for all the failures!!!
How Does a Father Get His Heart Fixed When it Hurts All the Time?
D.
By
Holding on to God’s Promises to You
(2Sam 23:4,5) - "Yet!" What a wonderful word!
1.
God promises to honour
those who simply obey Him – gives them a lot of attention, like a sunrise, and
like lush fields of grass
2.
God made many promises
to David – a covenant (2Sam 7:15,16)
a.
To never leave him or
forsake him
b.
To have his sons sit on
his throne forever
c.
To bring the Messiah
through his family line. David was going to be used to bring the Messiah into
the world (Acts 2:30)
d.
To give him the
strength and wisdom he would need as he waited on God
e.
To make everything in
his life work out for good
3.
God made such promises
to YOU!
a.
He won’t leave YOU!
b.
He won’t fail to work
on you and polish you
c.
He will make everything
right in His time
d.
He will supply your
every need
4.
Hold onto those
promises! Get you a bunch of promises and hold onto them!
5.
In time of trouble and
sorrow, there is no pillow for our aching heads, no balm for our breaking
hearts, no solace for our sorrowful souls like the promises in God’s word (Psalm
119:114; 130:5). You better learn that!
How Does a Father Get His Heart Fixed When it Hurts All the Time?
E.
By
Trusting that Your Life had a Good Effect on Others
(2Sam 23:8)
1.
Lives HAVE been moulded
and changed because of you! Maybe not as much as should have been, but as a Dad,
you have a good effect on the world around you!
a.
What follows are the
names of 36 men who had started out as failures and rejects (1Sam 22:1,2)
b.
But now they were
“mighty men!” (2Sam 23:8-39 don’t read it
all) because of David’s influence!
1)
Adino the Eznite – slew
800 men in one fight
2)
Eleazer the son of Dodo
– fought off an entire Philistine army, alone, until the sword stuck to his
hand, and the enemy fled!
3)
Shamah the son of Agee
– stood his ground and defended a field of beans against the Philistine army
4)
Not to mention 34 more
men’ lives touched and affected by this young man after God’s heart!
2.
It is true that your
failures affect people… But so does your faithfulness!
a.
Realise that your
steadiness, your strengths, your faith, your praying times, your singing – it
all affects OTHERS who watch you!
b.
Like your children –
you helped them
c.
Your wife may not admit
it, but she needs you, and you have been a strength to her
d.
Remember that you HAVE
affected others, especially your family for good!
3.
Don’t believe the lie
that people can live better without you! They need you Dad!
4.
Our society needs Dads
again! Strong dads! Christian dads!
F.
By
Press On!
1.
Prov 24:16 “a just man
falleth seven times, and riseth up again”
2.
May God give us Dads
who will keep going!
3.
Dusting off their feet!
Luke 9:1-5
a.
Jesus sent out His
disciples, and they had great authority and power
b.
But they were not
always well received
c.
Many places rejected
their authority and would run them out of town
d.
What should they do?
Fight? Give up?
e.
Jesus said, forget
about it and go on again!
f.
Stay in the marriage!
Stay involved in your children’s lives
4.
David could have quit,
or got drunk, or went and hid! But instead he kept going! he stayed Dad
5.
To be Christian means
that -
a.
You are am redeemed by
the blood of Christ.
b.
You are forgiven.
c.
You are justified.
d.
You are born again.
e.
You are sanctified.
f.
You are an heir of God.
g.
It means “All is well!”
h.
You need to remember
that!
6.
You need to remember
that God will use you – EVEN you! Just stay on course!
a.
Stay in your Bible
b.
Stay in your home
c.
Stay in the place of
prayer
d.
Stay in church
e.
Stay in the will of God
G.
A Note to the Children
of Flawed Dads
1.
They are God’s gift to
your family!
2.
They are as important
as oxygen is for you to survive!
3.
They HAVE to be prayed
for, and loved, honoured and publically praised! Quit dismissing your father
when you have done so little praying, loving and praising of him!
H.
A Note to Wives of
Flawed Fathers
1.
Don’t make it harder
for him to be what God designed him to be – it’s already hard enough
2.
Don’t be what HE is
supposed to be – let him lead
3.
Don’t forget to forgive
him when he humbles himself
4.
Don’t let him stay down
when he falls
5.
Don’t neglect to love
him like you did when you first got married! More than anything, your children
need to see you and your husband in love! Period!
IV.
Conclusions
A.
One night a Dad
overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later
that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me
to be. Anonymous
B.
We know about some
Famous Fathers in the Bible
1.
Adam – the FIRST Father
2.
Noah – the Righteous
Father
3.
Abraham – the Faithful
Father
4.
Moses – the Lawgiver
5.
Samuel – The Greatest
Prophet
6.
Eli –
7.
David – The Greatest
King of
C.
But we know that they
were all failures! Especially David!
1.
In the middle of all
the reminiscing, all the blessings from God, David remembers that things were
not perfect in his home! “Although
my house be not so with God…”
2.
David had some sighs,
some sorrows about his home, and his children! About his failures as a father,
and even as a believer!
3.
Yet he did not end his
life full of regret!
4.
Unlike most Dads today,
David’s heart was not destroyed by his stupid choices in life
5.
His heart had found
healing, and restoration
D.
Let me remind you all:
1.
Fathers are a Priority!
2.
Men need a reason to
reclaim fatherhood! Especially young men!
3.
But it is going to
hurt!
a.
I am a Dad, and I love
it! I wouldn’t trade one minute of it!
b.
But believe me! It
hurts a lot being a Dad. Why?
E.
How
Does a Father Get His Heart Fixed When it Hurts All the Time?
1.
By
Remembering God’s Hand in Your Life
a.
Remember who you are in
Christ!
b.
Remember where God has
brought you!
c.
And where you are
headed
2.
By
Remembering God’s Expectations of You
a.
God Called You! To be
DAD in your home!
1)
That means be the
leader of your home,
both spiritually and physically
2)
That means a Servant of
all
– he that would be a great father must be servant of all
b.
God demands that you be
Godly in your home! Leading your home as God commands!
c.
God expects you to Fear
only HIM, and obeying Him yourself!
3.
By
Accepting the Reaping by You
a.
Many in his household
neither knew nor worshipped his God.
b.
Much of it was because
of his own sin.
4.
By
Holding onto God’s Promises to You
- "Yet!" What a wonderful word!
a.
God promises to honour
those who simply obey Him
b.
God made many promises
to David
c.
God made such promises
to YOU! Do you KNOW what those promises are?
d.
Hold onto those
promises! Get you a bunch of promises and hold onto them!
5.
By
Trusting that Your Life had a Good Effect on Others
a.
It is true that your
failures affect people… But so does your faithfulness!
1)
Realise that your
steadiness, your strengths, your faith, your praying times, your singing – it
all affects OTHERS who watch you!
2)
Like your children –
you helped them
3)
Your wife may not admit
it, but she needs you, and you have been a strength to her
4)
Remember that you HAVE
affected others, especially your family for good!
b.
Don’t believe the lie
that people can live better without you! They need you Dad!
c.
Our society needs Dads
again! Strong dads! Christian dads!
6.
By
Pressing On Dads! Don’t shy away from the challenges we face today!
F.
You
can’t be the Dad you need to be without David’s God! You and I desperately need
Jesus!