Taking a Good
Look at God’s Blueprint for a Blessed Home
Ephesians 5:21-33
Audio MP3
Pastor Craig Ledbetter
11 July, 2010 AM
I.
Introduction
(Psalm 127:1-5)
A.
We are a “homeless” generation!
Fifty years ago it would have
been impossible to conceive of the devastation to family life that is
spreading throughout the world. One magazine article stated, “We are fast
becoming a homeless race. We are born in hospitals, raised in daycares,
taught in schools, married in churches, we vacation in resorts, we entertain
our friends in restaurants, we die in hospitals, and are buried via funeral
parlours. To most families, home is a dull place that family members resort
to for the minimum of sleep, a rushed meal, or to wait for the return of the
family car before heading out again!
B.
The homes that we do have, that
we live in, are crumbling under the weights of sin, and human failures!
C.
This morning, I am going to lay
out the first part of God’s plan for the Christian home. It’s not only the
best plan, it is the ONLY plan that works! Everything else that our modern
world has come up with is a joke!
1.
We all need to know God’s design
for a family, inside and out, and just follow that plan – it’s called FAITH!
2.
When we don’t follow it, we are
mocking God – and believe me, God is not mocked! It will be YOU weeping, and
wailing, and broken, when your world falls apart because you thought you
knew better than God!
D.
Instead, like Psalm 127 says, Get
GOD to build your home!
E.
Don’t be afraid, or discouraged!
Please don’t feel that I am preaching to crush anyone here. Don’t let the
things said discourage you. Let the words of this Book, and the
encouragement of this preacher be the rally cry for you to get back onto the
narrow way, and live the Christian life – both outside of the home, and more
importantly INSIDE!
II.
Background
Information (Eccl 4:9) – Two Are Better Than One!
A.
God Laid the
Foundation of the Family
1.
All God’s expectations are
connected with Jesus Christ in your life!
2.
Jesus Christ is our foundation
(5:2; 1Cor 3:11) there is NO other foundation to build your life or your
marriage on!
B.
God Loves the
Family.
1.
“Adam? Meet Eve!”
2.
Isaac, meet Rebekah!
3.
The fruit of the womb is His
reward – not a curse or an inconvienence!
4.
God created us all to be a part
of a family – always!
5.
Heb 13:4; Prov 18:22; Ps 127:3,4
6.
Remember, Whatever God loves,
Satan hates, and will seek to destroy – no matter how long it takes! That’s
why it is hard having a godly family, but believe me, it is worth it!
C.
God Designed
the Family
(Psam 127:1,2)
1.
Designed how it looked – One Man,
One Woman, and One bunch of kids!
2.
Designed how it works – serving
one another and meeting each other’s needs
3.
He built success into it –
strengths that are only found in a family unit – not in a homosexual or
lesbian, or just brother sister relationship – but a HOME!
4.
There is NO room for adjustments
- you don’t fudge, or adjust God’s plan – you follow it!
D.
God Has
Expectations of Every Family
(1Thes 2:12)
1.
God Expects us To Follow Him
a.
Follow His example - He Gave Us
Plenty of Examples of a Family
1)
Himself – The Father, the Son,
and the Holy Spirit
2)
His people – hundreds of examples
of godly (yet imperfect) families in the Bible
3)
And then you have Satan’s family
(
b.
Follow As Children - not leaders,
not rebels
2.
God Expects Us To Walk in Love –
as Christ loved us
a.
Sacrificial love
b.
Sweetsmelling love
c.
Saturated love – not spotty or on
occasion, but just like when you were pursuing each other – walking “in
love!”
3.
God Expects Us To be Filled with
the Holy Spirit (5:18)
a.
Not do what comes natural
b.
But be filled with God’s Holy
Spirit
c.
Hungering, Yielding, giving in to
His leadings
4.
Get these things right, and the
rest will come easy!
E.
Be in the Right Fight!
The Fight for the Family (Eph 5:3-12)
1.
Against anything that would
dilute and destroy the gift of your home
a.
Fornication – whomremongery,
pornography
b.
All uncleanness - unholiness
c.
Covetousness – idolatry – worship
of things
d.
Filthiness
1)
Filthy words
a)
Foolish talking – like Job’s wife
b)
Jesting – men making fun of
people, and of how people look
c)
Vain, deceiving words
2)
Filthy thoughts
3)
Filthy actions
4)
Filthy habits
e.
They all have to go! There is no
freedom in holding onto what is destroying you and your home!
2.
Things you must get into the
forced habit of
a.
Giving thanks (5:4, 20) – to God,
AND to one another!
b.
Fearing God (5:5,6)
c.
Breaking away from bad influences
in your life (5:7)
d.
Living like a child of the light
(5:11,12)
e.
Walk circumspectly – very aware
of your enemy’s attack (5:15,16)
f.
Stay on course – knowing God’s
will, and fulfilling it (5:17)
g.
Meditating on the word of God
(5:19; Josh 1:8;
h.
Making melody in your heart to
the Lord (5:19)
F.
Fulfil Your Function in Your Family
(Eph 5:21-33; 6:1-4)
1.
The Wife has a
very powerful function
2.
The Husband
3.
The Children
4.
The Parents
5.
This week, we
will just look at the first one – the Wife
III.
Message -
Error! Style not defined.
(Ephesians 5:21-33)
A.
Fulfilling
Your Function As a Wife
(5:21-24,33) – God starts with the wife!
1.
Key words:
Submission and Respect
2.
Most Women Don’t Care
a.
Millions of “christian” wives
either don’t know how to love their husbands wisely and well, or they’re too
self-centred to see it as important.
b.
This is because of forty years of
feminist philosophy, with its condemnation of just about everything male as
evil, stupid, and oppressive, and the removal of female and male roles in
families.
c.
But the core reason is because of
all of our sinful self-centeredness, just as the Bible says.
d.
God instructs older women to
train younger women in Titus 2:4,5:
1)
To love their husband and
children – it doesn’t come naturally
2)
To be discrete (careful in how
they talk and dress)
3)
To be chaste (under control)
4)
To be mainly busy at home,
instead of everywhere else!
5)
To be good and kind – and not
angry and harsh
6)
And to be obedient to their
husbands, so that no one will blaspheme and make fun of the word of God.
e.
Do modern Christian women
excitedly submit themselves to their own husbands? Not most!
f.
Remember, the divorce rate among
“Christians” is the same as the unsaved today!
3.
If a woman is married, and claims
to be a born again child of God, she is to be subject unto her husband in
the same way that the Church is yielded to Christ. That’s Bible!
a.
Most churches today wouldn’t
touch what I am about to preach with a ten foot pole. I wonder why?
b.
From what I can see, the general
body of believers are NOT subject unto Christ – 99% of all Christians simply
are doing their own thing!
c.
The same is true in Christian
homes! Most Christian wives are not subject unto their own husbands. No way!
d.
According to that Book in your
hands, God places a man in the life of a woman, and asks her to love him and
submit to him as she would to Jesus!
e.
Most people marry for all the
wrong reasons
f.
Most can’t stand each other after
only six months!
1)
That’s why everybody is away from
their homes
2)
Men working over-time or staying
out at the pub
3)
Woman getting jobs away from
their homes and families
g.
And they ALL without exception
blame MARRIAGE at the end of the day, and say, “it just doesn’t work!” Well,
THAT’S a LIE! It’s like saying Honda made a car that wouldn’t stay on the
road when it was YOU who didn’t keep your eyes on the road!
4.
Wife – do you love the Lord
Jesus? This is often the most stabbing question! Do you not belong to Him?
Did He not purchase you with His own blood?
a.
The test of whether you are
submitted to Him (your Saviour) is when you determine to stay submitted to
“him” (your husband)!
b.
The wives in this room need to do
the following things:
1)
Repent of being constantly angry
at your husbands – for anything they may have done!
2)
Humble yourselves and say, I love
you Lord, and by your grace, I am going to love that man you gave to me!
3)
I want to learn today HOW to best
honour YOU by honouring my husband
5.
What Does a Husband Need?
a.
I know, we all think he needs
FOOD, a FAST CAR and a FINGER CONTROLLED REMOTE for the big screen TV!
Wrong!
b.
Most men need
respect more than love.
1)
Look at verse 23 – “the husband
is the head of the wife”
2)
Now look at verse 33, “the wife
see that she reverence her husband”
c.
God’s commands to husbands and
wives in Ephesians 5:33 reflects each
one’s deepest needs: “every one of you in particular so love his
wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”
d.
Reverence (5:33) is a lonely word
today!
e.
These Scriptures commands a
husband to love his wife. Why? Because she needs love like she needs air to
breathe.
f.
This same verse commands a wife
to respect her husband. Why? Because he needs respect like he needs air to
breathe.
6.
Respect means:
To value, to esteem of great worth, to give your attention to, to honour
your husband above yourself – BOY THAT IS ANTI-TODAY!
7.
Examples of Submission and
Respect by a wife:
a.
To Submit to your husband means
to Let Him LEAD (Eph 5:23;
1Cor 11:3)
1)
The husband IS the head, the
leader of the wife
2)
It is part of the curse, yes, but
also part of the protection from Satan (Gen 3:16)
3)
It also is God’s way of changing
your husband (1Peter 3:1-6)
4)
Let him be the MAN in your home –
not the MAID! Let him make decisions – make them WITH him, but let him
choose right, and sometimes choose wrong. Correct him and guide him, but let
him be in charge!
a)
An employee makes suggestions,
but doesn’t tell the boss what to do or even what you are going to do
b)
You don’t let other people
correct you and overrule YOU when you are in charge!
c)
God designed men to lead, to
conquer, to defend, and to be the hero!
d)
It’s not that you can’t make
right decisions, but that God designed a marriage to have only ONE HEAD –
not two! Any two headed animal is a
MONSTER
5)
Only a spirit filled woman will
do this!
6)
Only a follower of God will allow
their husband to make decisions that might be wrong
7)
Only a saved woman would trust
the Lord to work everything out for good (Rom 8:28)
b.
To Submit to your husband means
to Have a LOAD of Grace with him!
A lot of “overlooking” (Heb 12:28, 15)
1)
One way to respect your husband
is to give grace instead of resenting the things he does that complicate
your life
2)
Like leaving drinking glasses in
the living room or clothing on a chair.
3)
Ask yourself, “Is he
intentionally doing this to bug me? To make my life difficult? If he were to
die tomorrow, what wouldn’t I give to have him back leaving these things
out?”
4)
This is where bitterness is
either born or broken!
c.
To Submit to your husband means
to Communicate Better
1)
Ladies, you can improve on
communication by doing it less.
2)
God made women
verbal creatures, which can
frustrate men with the overwhelming amount of your words. Instead of
expecting your husband to be a girlfriend (men make wonderful husbands, but
not girlfriends), the wise wife gives the bottom line first, and chooses her
timing well.
3)
Men make terrible mind readers,
so be direct. Dropping subtle hints doesn’t work with most men, and it
doesn’t mean a man is insensitive, uncaring, or oblivious if they don’t get
what you are hinting at.
4)
Spell out whether you want help
and advice, or if you’re just venting your feelings. God made men to want to
be your hero, so understand that you can frustrate him if he can’t fix
what’s hurting you because all you want is someone to listen.
5)
And take whatever he says at face
value. Women tend to overanalyze men when we are just not that complicated.
6)
Most men want to run from their
angry, contentious wives – I am sure every word you are saying to him is
true, and every feeling you have is justified, but be careful not to destroy
what you are trying to fix (Pr 14:1)
d.
To Submit to your husband means
to Appreciate Him
1)
Ask any woman what she wants, and
near the top of her list she’ll tell you, “I want to be acknowledged and
appreciated for the things I do.” Well, men want the same thing!
2)
A man named Evan wrote to Dr.
Laura: “My wife feels that if she doesn’t remind me again and again,
something won’t get done. But the fact is, it makes me feel like her child
and that Mommy needs to check up on me. It’s degrading. I want to be
admired. I want to be acknowledged for being the breadwinner and making sure
that we are all well taken care of. My greatest pleasure is when I feel like
her hero. Like her ‘man.’ Not her boy.”
3)
It doesn’t matter what a
husband’s primary love language is, every man wants to be shown appreciation
for who he is and what he does.
4)
I love to suggest to young wives
and mothers, “Keep a gratitude journal to help you be on the lookout for the
things your husband does that you appreciate. Every night, write down three
things you noticed. And then tell him the kinds of things that are in your
book!”
a)
Thank him for going to work every
morning even when he doesn’t feel like it.
b)
Thank him for being faithful to
you.
c)
Thank him for loving you.
d)
Thank him for giving you
children.
e)
Thank him for taking out the
rubbish, and changing the oil in your car, and mowing the garden.
f)
Thank him for bringing home his
paycheck and not spending it on gambling or booze or drugs or women.
g)
Find
something
to thank him for! Men rise to the level of what their wives praise! Most men
haven’t been praised except by their crummy friends in primary school! No
wonder they got into so much trouble! Praise them about SOMETHING and keep
praising them!
5)
The modern wife criticizes,
complains, nags, and rarely compliments or expresses appreciation
6)
So her husband finds it difficult
to satisfy her, and finds that she basically is not as nice to her husband
as she is to a stranger ringing the doorbell at three A.M.!
7)
Don’t be that way!
e.
To Submit to your husband means
to Request,
Don’t Demand.
Demanding is SO rude and disrespectful.
1)
Don’t nag. If you have to ask
more than once, ask as if it were the first time you were making the
request.
2)
Keep your mouth shut about things
that don’t matter. Ask yourself, is
this the
hill you want to die on?
3)
Don’t be controlling—which is
micromanaging. Somebody said, “When women micromanage, their husbands give
up trying to please them, and then the wives complain that their men don’t
do anything for them.”
4)
Pro 16:24 says, “Pleasant words
are as an honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones.” (This is
truer no place more than in marriage.) Let your words be kind and full of
appreciation.
5)
Not argumentative or contentious
- Pro 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a
contentious and an angry woman.
f.
To Submit to your husband means
to Yield – give into him!
1)
You two may not agree – that will
be most of the time!!!
2)
But that is okay. He needs you to
disagree sometimes, but not to take over!
3)
As much as he needs YOU, YOU need
to yield to HIM. You were not saved to lead, but to have a meek and quiet
spirit (1Peter 3:1-5)
4)
Don’t you
argue with me!
That’s what GOD says!
5)
Make your opinion known, and then
back down! Period!
6)
Try and show him where he hasn’t
thought something through, and then shut up! Start praying!
7)
Gentlemen, the best thing God
ever did for you was give you that women sitting next to you trying to help
you, trying to make you think and consider everything before you leap! You
better learn to listen to her! But women, don’t force it!
g.
To Submit to your husband means
to Support Him – serve him!
1)
Men desperately want and need the
support of their wives. This is reflected in what God reveals in His Word
when He says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him
an help meet for him.” And through the apostle Paul, God instructs wives to
relate to their husbands in a way that meets this need when He says, “Wives,
submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”
2)
Submission is basically giving
support with a willing, cooperative heart.
3)
A wife’s submission includes
knowing her gifts and strengths, and using them to serve her husband and
family.
a)
She usually will serve the
children, and the in-laws
b)
But serving her husband went out
the window after the third fight!
4)
Service has a bad name today, but
both husbands and wives are called to serve each other – just as Christ
serves us!
5)
So what does support look like?
a)
Believing in your husband.
Telling him, “You have what it takes.” Being his #1 fan.
b)
Find a way to cooperate with him
and not hinder him and hold him back! Do things that help HIM out, help HIM
succeed!
c)
Be generous and openhearted— be
willing to use your gifts and strengths to help HIM succeed.
d)
Make him look good: never saying
anything negative in public.
e)
Create a home that’s a safe haven
from the world and all its fights
f)
Have a warm heart with a
positive, cheerful demeanour. Women set the temperature of the home; you are
the thermostats, not thermometers,
of the family. Pro 27:15 says, A continual dropping in a very rainy day and
a contentious woman are alike.
g)
Be always interested in him and
his life. That’s why he married you – because you were interested!
6)
The idea is to treat your husband
in a way that builds him up and doesn’t tear him down, never denigrating or
attacking him.
7)
Treat him with the dignity he
deserves as a MASCULINE person made by God.
8)
Understand that a man’s needs and
wants are every bit as valid and important as a woman’s needs and wants.
9)
Never vent your frustrations to
others, especially the children. One woman wrote, “No emotional outlet is
worth damaging my husband’s reputation.”
8.
To Submit to your husband means
Intimacy (1Cor 7:1-5)
a.
I know that it is the last thing
on your minds ladies, but God talks a lot about it in His word!
b.
Your husband needs to feel your
approval, acceptance that comes from physical intimacy.
1)
For women, emotional intimacy
leads to physical intimacy.
2)
For men, it’s the other way
around; physical intimacy is the key to opening their hearts.
c.
What attracts men to women is
their femininity, and femininity isn’t only about appearance, it’s also
about behaviours. Looking womanly AND behaving sweetly and flirtatiously are
gifts wives give to their husbands.
d.
Most women only know how to LOOK
feminine – but behave like angry bears!
e.
In the Song of Solomon, Solomon’s
bride displays her feminine charms in a holy seduction of her husband, and
the way she tells him what she loves about him.
f.
Instead, our culture has things
backward
1)
Many unmarried girls and women
flaunt their bodies with a total lack of modesty or propriety.
2)
But once they marry, it’s flannel
nightgowns, wool socks, and no makeup.
g.
Each one’s body belongs not just
to themselves but to each other. God said not to deprive each other for
extended periods of time lest we be tempted.
B.
Final Thought for you Ladies
1.
Men are simple creatures who come
from a woman, are nurtured and brought up by a woman, and yearn for the
continued love, admiration and approval of a woman
2.
Women need to better appreciate
the magnitude of their power and influence over men, and not misuse or abuse
it. Amen!
IV.
Conclusion
A.
Next Week, HUSBANDS! It gets
rougher!
B.
Ladies, don’t get all angry at me
because this is so one sided! I will get your man next week!
C.
You just examine your own heart
today!
D.
God’s plan for the Christian
home. It’s not only the best plan, it is the ONLY plan that works!
E.
By Way of
Background Information – Two ARE Better than One!
1.
God Laid the
Foundation of Every Family
2.
God Loves the
Family.
3.
God Designed
the Family
4.
God Has
Expectations of Every Family
5.
Be in the
Right Fight!
The Fight for the Family
6.
Fulfil Your
Function in Your Family
F.
God Starts
With the Wife
1.
Let Him LEAD
2.
Have LOADS of Grace with him
3.
Communicate Better
4.
Appreciate Him
5.
Request, don’t demand
6.
Yield
7.
Support Him
8.
Intimacy
G.
Do any of you want your home to
last? Your marriage? Your future home? Quit believing all the lies the world
is pushing and get back to obeying the Bible! Obeying God is the smartest
thing you can do – all by faith!
H.
Only a spirit filled woman will
do this!
I.
Only a follower of God will allow
their husband to make decisions that might be wrong
J.
Only a saved woman would trust
the Lord to work everything out for good (Rom 8:28)
K.
Are you really, and truly born
again? Does your home life show that you do not know the Lord Jesus as your
Saviour?
L.
Maybe you ARE saved, but you
definitely are not Holy Spirit filled!
M.
Time for repentance!
N.
Time for starting over!