Men! Here’s How to Love Your Wife!
Part of the “Bow the Knee” Series
Pastor Craig Ledbetter
DATE: 10 Feb, 2008 AM
PLACE: Bible Baptist Church, Ballincollig, Cork, Ireland
I. Introduction (Ephesians 5:24; Proverbs 31:28; 1Chronicles 16:43)
A. Valentine’s Day is this Thursday…
1. Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, the romance and you find out you still care for that person. ---Unknown
2. “Men fall in love with their eyes. Women fall in love with their ears.” (Dr. Phil McGraw quoted in Reader’s Digest)
3. “Here’s the secret to a happy marriage: Do whatever your wife tells you.” (Denzel Washington quoted in New York Daily News)
B. NO! The secret to a happy marriage, is found in a MAN learning how to bless his home!
C. To Bless…
1. Usually thought of meaning, to “Consecrate, Sanctify, Make Holy, Hallow”
2. But it simply means to benefit – to make the other person happy
3. Jacob needed God’s blessing (Genesis 32:26)
4. Jabez hungered for it (1Chronicles 4:10)
5. Our families deserve our blessing, our “benevolence,” our benefit, our giving-ness towards them, even to our loss
6. That’s what Jesus Christ taught us gentlemen (Ephesians 5:25) – and by-the-way, it did cost Him dearly, but it evidently was worth it!
D. What if we men actually learned how to bless our wives?
1. We all know how to bless OUR OWN LIVES – to look out for ourselves and meet our own needs…
2. Can we ACTUALLY get to the place where we ALSO meet the needs of our home? Of our family?
E. That is the goal of our message today from God’s word!
II. Message - How to Bless Your Home, Men!
A. Have “First Love” Towards Your Wife (Genesis 29:9-20)
1. That doesn’t mean that SHE is first…
2. It is the love that you had for her at the first
3. Okay, so it WAS blind love – but that is just fine!
4. Look at Jacob here…
a. Jacob knows he needs a wife – had been sent away from home by his parents to find a wife among his own people
b. And he falls in love with a young lady at first sight! I does happen!
c. He runs over and shows how STRONG he was – shows off by removing the well cover (29:10)
d. He steals a quick kiss, and then just cries with delight at this great treasure he has just discovered
e. He falls in love with her family (12,13)
f. He works for SEVEN long years to be able to marry her (15-20)
g. Jacob NEVER complained ONCE while courting her – thought it was “but a few days!”
5. What was it like when you first fell in love?
a. For many, it was a long string of bad relationships, so it wasn’t that great
b. Oh, but if you think back hard, gentlemen, there was love – there was selflessness, there was an attitude of giving, and blessing
1) You talked for hours – or rather she may have
2) You walked for hours
3) You thought about each other throughout each day
c. That’s what a marriage needs every day, today!
6. That’s how you bless your wife – by loving her like you DID when you first fell in love
a. Oh it is humbling
b. You will have to bow the knee and admit you have grow cold, and hard, and demanding, and bitter
c. But that is when the embers of love return
d. And that is when a REAL MAN begins to bless his home once again
B. Have “Fun Love” With Your Wife (Proverbs 5:18,19; Song 7:1-9)
1. That means BLESS her – benefit her – don’t just TAKE from her
a. If your wife just came and just took your money, and put it all except a few bob into HER account, and then spent it as she saw fit…?
b. If your wife just came and went as SHE pleased…?
c. If your wife just demanded of you food, ironed and washed clothes, and a tidy house, and never helped…?
d. How “happy” would you be this morning?
2. Every home needs fun
a. Notice things about her
b. Express things to her – write down some awesome things that you notice about your wife on small note cards, and then hide around the house!
c. Take time for things with her – don’t rush through the day leaving her alone, or just with the kids
d. Rejoice WITH her (Proverbs 5:18,19) – enjoy HER and HER alone!
e. Most men only enjoy the movies, and the games, and the friends, but not the wife of their youth! Strange, isn’t it?
3. Bless her by having fun WITH her
a. YOU like it when she finds out what is fun for you
b. Find out what is fun for her
1) Maybe it is cleaning up the garden together
2) Maybe it is shopping (Oh No!)
4. Bless your home, men! God is not talking about 24/7 doing everything she wants, but certainly more than we are!
C. Have “Faithful Love” Towards Your Wife (Matthew 5:44; Romans 12:14; 1Corinthians 4:12)
1. Not only when it is easy to love her and beneficial for yourself J
2. But also when it is hard, and basically impossible to please her! Stay in love, and stay the course!
3. No bitterness allowed (Colossians 3:19; Cf 2Samuel 6:20)
4. Blessing is more than just words (Psalm 62:4; 1 Peter 3:7):
a. Dwell with your wife
1) Not your job, or your buddies, or your Playstation
2) To dwell means to live WITH them, to work along side them, to work as a team
3) NOT with her cooking and you only eating
4) Not with her washing, and you sleeping
5) To dwell with them means to be beside them as much as possible
b. Get to know your wife – always better than you currently do
1) God made men easy to figure out
2) God made women hard to understand – a mystery
3) God intended for men to explore and probe and discover their wives
c. Honour your wife
1) Probably the most lacking area of a man’s marriage
2) To honour is to prefer them over others
3) Practical ways to honour your wife:
a) Listen to them
b) Be gentle towards them – don’t treat as “one of the guys”
c) Praise them in private, AND in public
d. Inherit things together with your wife
1) Your children are the grace of life
2) You had children together
3) Raise them together
e. Pray with your wife – I can’t emphasize this enough
1) This is VERY humiliating
2) This is where you can bow your knee WITH your wife and humbly plead with God to supply what you cannot, and to make you a better husband, and a better Dad, and a better man, like Christ!
3) Leads to the next point
D. Have “Following Love” With Your Wife (1Corinthians 11:1)
1. Lead as a FOLLOWER of the LORD Jesus Christ!
2. Be first to Love God in your home, gentlemen (1Kgs 3:3,4) – don’t follow your wife – let her follow YOU, hand in hand with you leading
a. Walking in the word – His laws and statutes
1) Learning it yourself
2) Obeying it
3) Thinking about it, testing it, proving it, enjoying it
b. Wilfully giving – not grudgingly giving. Show your love for God – by giving back to God what He first gave you
c. Passionately praying (1Kgs 3:5,9,10)
d. There is no other way to love God, than to walk with Him, throughout your day, throughout your WEEK, throughout your LIFE!
e. If you fail HERE, you will fail everywhere!
3. Be the FIRST to Serve God in your home (1Kgs 5:5)
a. Everything you do must be for God
1) Don’t get married only for yourself – get married to better serve God
2) Don’t work just to pay the bills – work to let your light so shine before men
3) If your family thinks you “hate” your job, and hear you complain and talk bad about people, it will ruin them – they need to hear you rejoice as you serve the Lord at work
4) The best place to talk about heaven and hell issues is on the job, and at school
b. Do something BIG for God – just for God
1) Solomon built the Temple
2) Catch a glimpse of something great to accomplish for God’s glory
3) Men are conquerors, and explorers, and warriors – AMEN!
4) So get out there and explore and conquer impossible mountains for the glory of God
a) Like win a world cup for Jesus Christ
b) Like discover a cure
c) Like build the tallest building
d) Like design a better mouse-trap
4. The reason why so many men are depressed is because they do absolutely NOTHING of eternal value – they, WE were designed with greatness installed, and then knocked around until almost all men drink, and run, and lie, and hide from their problems in pubs!
E. Have “Fighting Love” For Your Wife (Psalm 144:1)
1. NOT with each other – God doesn’t teach you how to fight your wife! But fight together against your real enemy
2. Every woman LOVES to be fought over – there are no exceptions!
3. Fight for what you have before you lose it
4. There is such a sin today in our homes with the arguing, and the fighting, and the anger, and the bitterness, and the hatred, and the wrath, and the hurt, and the unforgiveness, and the vengefulness!
5. All of that is a like a cancer that is ravaging our home-life
6. If you found out that you had cancer, you wouldn’t FEED it and accelerate it would you? You would AGGRESSIVELY fight it
a. With chemotherapy, radiation therapy, with drastic diet changes
b. People with cancer RADICALLY change their way of living because they WANT TO LIVE!
7. Fight for your wife gentlemen
a. In prayer, and confession before God
b. In humility before your wife
c. In power and resistance against your bad habits (James 4:7)
III. Conclusion, Final Application -Message - How to Bless Your Home, Men!
A. Have First Love Towards Your Wife
B. Have Fun Love With Your Wife
C. Have Faithful Love Towards Your Wife
D. Have Following Love With Your Wife
E. Have Fighting Love For Your Wife
F. Learn it all from Jesus Christ’s love for YOU!
The mp3 audio and Power-points for this and many other messages are online at our church’s website – www.biblebc.com