Evolutionist Jokes
WHAT DO YOU CALL IT WHEN CHEMICALS IN A PRIMORDIAL SOUP EVOLVE INTO
DARWINISTS? Soup to nuts.
HOW MANY EVOLUTIONISTS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?
None. Given enough time, a new light bulb will evolve.
WHY DID THE EVOLUTIONIST CROSS THE ROAD? He was recapitulating "life in the chicken
stage."
CHARLES DARWIN WALKED INTO AN ELEGANT VICTORIAN RESTAURANT WITH A
CHIMPANZEE. THE MAITRE D' IMMEDIATELY PROTESTED.
"SIR," HE SAID, "YOU CAN'T BRING THAT VILE, DISGUSTING
BEAST IN HERE!" "IT'S
QUITE ALL RIGHT, MY GOOD MAN" SAID DARWIN, "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT
CHIMPANZEES ARE VERY NEARLY HUMAN." WHAT
DID THE MAITRE D' REPLY? "I'm
not talking to you--I'm talking to the ape."
IF YOU WERE SENTENCED TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE ON A DESERT ISLAND,
BUT COULD TAKE ANY OF CHARLES DARWIN'S BOOKS WITH YOU TO READ, WHAT SHOULD YOU
TAKE? Poison.
Knock Knock. "WHO'S THERE?"
Darwin. "DARWIN WHO?" That's
what they'll be saying 50 years from now--Darwin WHO?
WHAT DID THE FAMOUS PALEOANTHROPOLOGIST SAY WHEN GRANT MONEY STARTED
POURING IN? "I love
Lucy."
DESCRIBE DR. DUANE GISH, AN AUSTRALOPITHECINE, AND CHARLES DARWIN.
A champ, a chimp and a chump.
BESIDES LINKS, WHAT ELSE WAS DARWIN MISSING? His marbles.
IF SIX MONKEYS POKED RANDOMLY AT TYPEWRITERS FOR FIVE BILLION YEARS,
WOULD THEY WRITE THE COMPLETE WORKS OF SHAKESPEARE? No, but they WOULD write the lyrics to Tommy Roe's
"Sweet Pea," the script for "Billy Jack," and the
game-by-game strategy of the Chicago Cubs since 1909.
WHAT DOES DARWIN'S THEORY HAVE IN COMMON WITH INSECT-CONTAINING AMBER?
They're both full of bugs and started by a sap.
WHAT KIND OF EVOLUTIONARY THEORY IS "PUNCTUATED EQUILIBRIUM"?
A fast one.
DARWIN'S UNDERSTANDING OF BIOLOGY QUALIFIED HIM FOR WORK IN WHAT TYPE OF
CELLS? Padded ones.
WHY DID DARWIN SAY MAN LOST HIS TAIL?
He was out of his tree.
Since evolution postulates that everything happens by
chance, a group of prominent
Darwinists decided to hold their annual convention in the banquet room of a Las Vegas casino. During the convention lunch, the casino provided entertainment in the form of a ventriloquist
act.
The ventriloquist happened to be a creationist, and he
began making jokes about evolution through his wooden dummy.
He told the one about the
evolutionist and the farmer's daughter, the one about the evolutionist who gets
shipwrecked on a desert island with a creationist, and
many other jokes.
The audience remained grim throughout.
Undaunted, the ventriloquist proceeded.
"Hey, Sammy," he said, "you wanna dig up some apemen
skulls?"
"Sure," said the dummy, "wait here while
I get the paint and the
tooth file."
Finally, one professor could stand it no longer.
He threw down his napkin, stood up and shouted: "Sir, I am sure I speak for
all of us when I protest the insults you have heaped upon this distinguished
body! Do you not know that there are PhDs here from Yale and Princeton?
I myself am a professor of paleoanthropology at Harvard!"
"In particular," the professor continued,
"I resent your insinuations that we are doing a lot of guesswork when we
say that man came from apes! Paleoanthropology is an exact science!
Why, there is not a scholar in this room who could not instantly
distinguish one type of fossil man from another! How dare you--a man of low and
vulgar comedy--suggest that we are stupid!
I will have you know, sir, that WE DARWINISTS ARE NOT STUPID!"
"Well," said the ventriloquist sheepishly,
"these are just jokes. They
aren't meant to be taken seriously."
"I'm not talking to you!" roared the
professor. "I'm talking to
that little twerp sitting on your
knee!"